As you have all undoubtedly noticed, I have my own askewed view on this voyage we like to call Life. I see things through my own tinted shades, and I make up my own rules as I go along. Especially ones that I see aren't working out for the rest of humanity. Tonight, I shall give you another glimpse into the eye that we should all share to view the world in a different angle.
The Brown Eye.
Not to be confused with a pair of brown eyes, connected to a beautiful Mexican woman's skull. No. I'm talking about the asshole. Your Rear Winker. The Corn Cutter. The Pleasant Pipe. (that's a gay one)...you get the picture.
"Why?" you may ask yet again, would I venture into such uncharted territory?
For love my friends.
In my time in this world, I've met a lot of couples that think they know everything there is to know about each other, only to have their relationship end in shattered bits all over the floor. Then, for months I have to hear "I thought I knew her/him! I thought I knew them inside and out!". That's when I inevitably ask my question that makes everyone squirm a little. "Did you ever see his/her asshole?"
The initial reaction is always "Huh?"
Followed by a pause, and the look on their face of them retracing the steps of the conversation to see if they may have said something that would have led me to that question, or that they may have possibly misheard me.
"Did you ever see their asshole?"
"Why would you ask that?"
"You came to me to lay out your heart and soul, and your woe-is-me problems. Answer the fucking question."
"Sure, I guess. I mean, if we were having sex doggy style, but you never really 'see' it. It's not something you look at directly is it?"
Here's where we get into my psyche.
Why is it not? It's taboo right? It's 'Off Limits'! But, it's connected to the rest of the body. A body that you love above all others. A body that you yourself would have lain in front of a train to protect at any given time. But, you are afraid to know your mate 100%. It's not pleasant to look at, no. Neither are balls, armpits, tongues...but, we know them all very well.
Let's soften it up a little bit. Remember the first time you let one rip in front of the person you were dating? How it was a little embarrassing, but a little freeing at the same time? That feeling like "Okay, finally, we're to THAT stage of comfort in our relationship!". Yet, it nearly ends there. The exploration, and freedom stops there, or with the whole bathroom ordeal altogether.
You set these walls. These limits. These barriers up after that. "He can't see me pee. That's just gross." To me, if I can clean puke off of you after a night out at a club, or I can pick up your snotty Kleenex after you being sick, I can be in the same room as you when you're letting the yellow river flow. Think it's gross? So is farting, IF YOU MAKE IT THAT!!! Think it's a part of human nature? Then, you're probably one step closer to your partner thinking YOU TRULY KNOW THEM 100%!!
Here's the thing; I've met couples where the woman doesn't take off her makeup until the husband goes to sleep, and she gets up before he wakes up, and puts it back on. You know what I call that? A fucking mask! Where is the real you? Because, if I wanted a fucking mannequin I would have bought a fuckdoll, and not married a flesh and blood woman. Same goes for these weak ass men that overhear their boys talking about "...then she reached down and started rubbing her own bean so she'd explode even bigger! It was intense man!", only to hear your friends ask "Hey, fuck knob, does your wife ever do any kinky shit like that?" "Nah, I'd never ask her to. She'd think I was a freak."
Barrier.
If your husband is afraid to ask you to do things, there's a wall up there. You know what the next step is? Him finding a girl that doesn't have that wall, and puts that kinky shit on Front Street. No walls. No barriers. Just crazy, fucked up sex. Then, he'll start feeling like he knows HER more, because she was doing things that he had imagined for years that you wouldn't do. Made a small fish, into a big whale of a problem.
Look, I'm not saying go buy some rubber fist and jam it into each others orifices. I'm saying, if you explore each other, from top to bottom, there will be less to feel blocked out about.
Couples should know one another from head to toe if you truly want to last a lifetime. The human body, is a lumpy, bumpy sack of guts and skin...no matter how you shake it. Setting up roadblocks, only creates doubt, and walls in a relationship. Once you can bend over in front of your spouse without thinking "OH SHIT!! DID I JUST WINK MY BROWN EYE AT HIM?!?!?!" you'll feel a lot more at ease in this skin sack we call a body.
If you were given the opportunity to explore Atlantis, wouldn't you be a little curious as to what the bathrooms looked like?
Be free, this body is only temporary anyhow...eventually it'll be soil.
Always yours,
Knuckles
P.S. Aim that thing somewhere else if we're in an elevator together.
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
Monday, May 2, 2011
In the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Shit!!
"You're live on KROQ miss, what's your question?" "My name is Angela, and my boyfriend that I've been dating for awhile, that I'm truly head over heels for, wants me to convert to Judaism, from Catholicism. I'm not super religious, but I wanted someone's opinion that isn't a part of the situation."
YOU GOT IT BIRD!!! I'm your huckleberry!
From as early as Romeo and Juliette, I've seen problems with "Birds of a feather, don't really flock together.", because, even if you're a bird (human), doesn't mean your feathers are the same color, your beak's the same size, or your shit is white enough. Maybe you like to dump on Hondas, instead of BMW's? Regardless, they're not fucking welcomed in other flocks.
Here you have a man, that sees exactly what he wants. She probably makes him warm and fuzzy, and his heart beat fast, and he wants to do things for her that he never felt for another woman. He wants to cook her dinner every night. He wants to travel the world with JUST her...not her and his friends... He wants to write her poems, and find her favorite flowers and surprise her with them.
He's smitten.
But, there's a problem. He's Jewish, and she's...well...not. Mom and Dad would have a coronary if he brought home a goy female. (non-jewish) Then, if they wrapped their minds around it, how do they explain it to the rest of the family?
Do you see a factor here folks? What is the problem with this scenario? Love, cannot conquer all, because FAITH stands in the way.
Faith: Firm belief in something, for which there is no proof.
Fact: Something that has actual existence.
Religion vs. Love
Here we have two people that could spend an lifetime of pure bliss, and happiness, and romance together, were it not for one simple thing, that people turn into a big thing. People die for both things. People kill for both things. People write books about both things. To me, the only difference is, one is commonly in our presence at all times, and we can see it, and touch it, and kiss it, and hug it...the other we have to have FAITH that it's there. (yes, many will argue that "I can see it. I can touch it. I can..."...you can shut the fuck up...because, no you fucking can't.
In a world that has less and less gentlemen, this woman found a man that she wants to spend her life with, but doesn't want to be given and ultimatum of "Convert, or there's no way we can be together.". You have a man, that was willing to look past her being goy, to date her, to get to know her, and to fall in love with her, and (from what i can gather) wants to spend the rest of his life with her, and wants them to have the least amount of resistance from his family, and therefore only sees one way he can do that.
Love...true love...people, is hard to find. I mean, REALLY hard to find. When you find it, do whatever it takes to hold on to it. Great things, sometimes require sacrifice. Take my word for it. I'm an Atheist, and 90% of the population isn't. So, I've had to come to grips with the fact that if I don't want to be alone forever, I will have to sacrifice my beliefs from time to time, and pick my battles, to have love. Not one woman I have dated in my past has ever been Atheist. I've been in a couple of incredible relationships, and I'm a believer in Quality over Quantity, and so if you're the kind of person that religion is only 0% to 5% of your life, then that should be something you should be willing to sacrifice for love. If religion is 80 to 90% of your life, then that is obviously something you need to find someone else with the same percentage.
This love thing, is a serious thing. It's necessary for life. Religion is not. If you take away Bibles, Quarans, and Torahs...and you have two people...living on an island, that are deeply and passionately in love, they will be just fine. They will reproduce. They will cuddle. They will kiss. They will fuck in the gritty sand until a jellyfish stings his balls and she has to piss.....wait...I got carried away.
Humanity is a fragile thing. Love, even more so. With the internet, social networking, online dating, texting, and so on taking over the world, a physical and emotional connection is a rare thing. When you find it, hold on to it like a case of the herpes, and don't let it go.
Because, at the end of a bad day, I'd much rather have someone that I sacrificed something to have in my life, greeting me at home with a hug, and a kiss, than an imaginary friend that I have to have faith that he's hugging me.
Plus, Religion never got me laid.
I have faith...that love can.
------
In closing; Bird, if Religion isn't a big deal to you, nor your family, I'd say do what you have to do for love. Love SHOULD conquer all. If he says it's a deal breaker that you don't...then chalk it up to the Relationship Fairy fucking with you.
But, make sure that whatever you do, no matter how much weight is in it, you do with your whole heart, or you'll always question yourself. Because, you never want to live in the "Shoulda, Coulda, Woulda"'s of life. Make your decision. Make it a sound one. And, love....love hard...love pure....love genuine....just love.
Sincerely,
Johnny
- - - (i wonder if using the word Love this many times in a blog will get me laid?)
YOU GOT IT BIRD!!! I'm your huckleberry!
From as early as Romeo and Juliette, I've seen problems with "Birds of a feather, don't really flock together.", because, even if you're a bird (human), doesn't mean your feathers are the same color, your beak's the same size, or your shit is white enough. Maybe you like to dump on Hondas, instead of BMW's? Regardless, they're not fucking welcomed in other flocks.
Here you have a man, that sees exactly what he wants. She probably makes him warm and fuzzy, and his heart beat fast, and he wants to do things for her that he never felt for another woman. He wants to cook her dinner every night. He wants to travel the world with JUST her...not her and his friends... He wants to write her poems, and find her favorite flowers and surprise her with them.
He's smitten.
But, there's a problem. He's Jewish, and she's...well...not. Mom and Dad would have a coronary if he brought home a goy female. (non-jewish) Then, if they wrapped their minds around it, how do they explain it to the rest of the family?
Do you see a factor here folks? What is the problem with this scenario? Love, cannot conquer all, because FAITH stands in the way.
Faith: Firm belief in something, for which there is no proof.
Fact: Something that has actual existence.
Religion vs. Love
Here we have two people that could spend an lifetime of pure bliss, and happiness, and romance together, were it not for one simple thing, that people turn into a big thing. People die for both things. People kill for both things. People write books about both things. To me, the only difference is, one is commonly in our presence at all times, and we can see it, and touch it, and kiss it, and hug it...the other we have to have FAITH that it's there. (yes, many will argue that "I can see it. I can touch it. I can..."...you can shut the fuck up...because, no you fucking can't.
In a world that has less and less gentlemen, this woman found a man that she wants to spend her life with, but doesn't want to be given and ultimatum of "Convert, or there's no way we can be together.". You have a man, that was willing to look past her being goy, to date her, to get to know her, and to fall in love with her, and (from what i can gather) wants to spend the rest of his life with her, and wants them to have the least amount of resistance from his family, and therefore only sees one way he can do that.
Love...true love...people, is hard to find. I mean, REALLY hard to find. When you find it, do whatever it takes to hold on to it. Great things, sometimes require sacrifice. Take my word for it. I'm an Atheist, and 90% of the population isn't. So, I've had to come to grips with the fact that if I don't want to be alone forever, I will have to sacrifice my beliefs from time to time, and pick my battles, to have love. Not one woman I have dated in my past has ever been Atheist. I've been in a couple of incredible relationships, and I'm a believer in Quality over Quantity, and so if you're the kind of person that religion is only 0% to 5% of your life, then that should be something you should be willing to sacrifice for love. If religion is 80 to 90% of your life, then that is obviously something you need to find someone else with the same percentage.
This love thing, is a serious thing. It's necessary for life. Religion is not. If you take away Bibles, Quarans, and Torahs...and you have two people...living on an island, that are deeply and passionately in love, they will be just fine. They will reproduce. They will cuddle. They will kiss. They will fuck in the gritty sand until a jellyfish stings his balls and she has to piss.....wait...I got carried away.
Humanity is a fragile thing. Love, even more so. With the internet, social networking, online dating, texting, and so on taking over the world, a physical and emotional connection is a rare thing. When you find it, hold on to it like a case of the herpes, and don't let it go.
Because, at the end of a bad day, I'd much rather have someone that I sacrificed something to have in my life, greeting me at home with a hug, and a kiss, than an imaginary friend that I have to have faith that he's hugging me.
Plus, Religion never got me laid.
I have faith...that love can.
------
In closing; Bird, if Religion isn't a big deal to you, nor your family, I'd say do what you have to do for love. Love SHOULD conquer all. If he says it's a deal breaker that you don't...then chalk it up to the Relationship Fairy fucking with you.
But, make sure that whatever you do, no matter how much weight is in it, you do with your whole heart, or you'll always question yourself. Because, you never want to live in the "Shoulda, Coulda, Woulda"'s of life. Make your decision. Make it a sound one. And, love....love hard...love pure....love genuine....just love.
Sincerely,
Johnny
- - - (i wonder if using the word Love this many times in a blog will get me laid?)
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Did you hear about the vows?...
So, as a hard willed man, with a fairly abrasive personality, I also credit myself with having a softer, more romantic side that rarely anyone gets to see, but the woman it's directed to.
I also have an affinity towards RomComs. I love to laugh, I love to see love, and I love the cheesy scenes in them.
One of my favorites of late is "Did You Hear About The Morgans?".
Not only does it ring true of Midlife Relationships, but the wedding vows scene was truly touching.
Here I give you, Paul's (Hugh Grant) vows from the film, that I liked enough to include in my blog:
--
I promise never to take you for granted,
or utter a word unkind,
Never allow my affections to be recanted or stop marveling at your behind.
To also marvel at your warmth, your wit, your refusal to condone animal slaughter.
Your wisdom, your laugh, your inability to boil water.
To be your best friend for the rest of my life,
and to thank the god you're not sure about,
for fooling you into being my wife.
--
He included the flaws she had, that makes her unique, along with her Agnostic beliefs that he obviously didn't care about. He...to be completely corny...loved her, for her.
The world could use more of that.
Look forward to a fresh batch of Fuhgettaboutit in the weeks to come.
Carpé díem!!!
- Knuckles
I also have an affinity towards RomComs. I love to laugh, I love to see love, and I love the cheesy scenes in them.
One of my favorites of late is "Did You Hear About The Morgans?".
Not only does it ring true of Midlife Relationships, but the wedding vows scene was truly touching.
Here I give you, Paul's (Hugh Grant) vows from the film, that I liked enough to include in my blog:
--
I promise never to take you for granted,
or utter a word unkind,
Never allow my affections to be recanted or stop marveling at your behind.
To also marvel at your warmth, your wit, your refusal to condone animal slaughter.
Your wisdom, your laugh, your inability to boil water.
To be your best friend for the rest of my life,
and to thank the god you're not sure about,
for fooling you into being my wife.
--
He included the flaws she had, that makes her unique, along with her Agnostic beliefs that he obviously didn't care about. He...to be completely corny...loved her, for her.
The world could use more of that.
Look forward to a fresh batch of Fuhgettaboutit in the weeks to come.
Carpé díem!!!
- Knuckles
Saturday, January 15, 2011
The Passion of the Feist....
So, you get a friend request in your Inbox from an old college buddy on Facebook. You exchange pleasantries, and you have the "Remember when...???" moment. Then, you realize a year later, "Hey, Blank hasn't written a word to me in months!" Sounds paltry doesn't it, but...let me vent...
Facebook, twitter, and even e-mail are sitting at your fingertips. They have all shrank the world. They have all enabled the least amount of effort to correspond with one another, and yet, there are many that sit idly by and do nothing.
Apparently text messaging was too difficult. Apparently e-mail took too much time. So, we made the world into 140 characters or less friendships.
"I know that you're alive and well, because I see you updating pictures, and your status. So, why do I have to write you?"
Here's my take on that. Take away the Social Networks. Take away e-mail. Take away text messages. Would you call, or write, or stop by if it required the effort? If not, then you're probably not that good of a friend to begin with. It's a world of Single Serving Friends. It's a world of...given the easiest possible way to communicate, and yet people still make no effort.
I hate hearing "How is so-n-so?" "Good I guess. They're on my Facebook, but I haven't talked to them in months." How is that a friendship? What world do we live in that that's acceptable behavior? Where, little action is necessary, and it's still too much.
I live in a world, that if I care, I reach out. I live in a world, that my actions show you that I am thinking of you, and that I care for your well being, and therefore I make an effort to show you such.
Sadly, the world I live in is not the world that others live in.
As I stated before, we're living in a Single Serving world, and it saddens me. Marriage, Best Friends (real best friends...not this "BFF" bullshit), and lifelong commitments are a thing of the past...or at least they're wounded and are bleeding so bad that they'll be dead soon.
In finishing, if we took away the internet, how much effort would you be willing to make to reconnect with the people that were once in your life?
Maybe this is just me being a sappy fella. Maybe this is me being feisty, and tired of Single Serving Friends to a point of wishing I wasn't the only one putting forth the effort.
Or, maybe I just need a drink, and a fistful of Shut The Fuck Up?!
Either way...
It's my blog. These are my feelings. And, so it's okay.
TALLY-HOOOOO!!!!!
=Knuckles
Facebook, twitter, and even e-mail are sitting at your fingertips. They have all shrank the world. They have all enabled the least amount of effort to correspond with one another, and yet, there are many that sit idly by and do nothing.
Apparently text messaging was too difficult. Apparently e-mail took too much time. So, we made the world into 140 characters or less friendships.
"I know that you're alive and well, because I see you updating pictures, and your status. So, why do I have to write you?"
Here's my take on that. Take away the Social Networks. Take away e-mail. Take away text messages. Would you call, or write, or stop by if it required the effort? If not, then you're probably not that good of a friend to begin with. It's a world of Single Serving Friends. It's a world of...given the easiest possible way to communicate, and yet people still make no effort.
I hate hearing "How is so-n-so?" "Good I guess. They're on my Facebook, but I haven't talked to them in months." How is that a friendship? What world do we live in that that's acceptable behavior? Where, little action is necessary, and it's still too much.
I live in a world, that if I care, I reach out. I live in a world, that my actions show you that I am thinking of you, and that I care for your well being, and therefore I make an effort to show you such.
Sadly, the world I live in is not the world that others live in.
As I stated before, we're living in a Single Serving world, and it saddens me. Marriage, Best Friends (real best friends...not this "BFF" bullshit), and lifelong commitments are a thing of the past...or at least they're wounded and are bleeding so bad that they'll be dead soon.
In finishing, if we took away the internet, how much effort would you be willing to make to reconnect with the people that were once in your life?
Maybe this is just me being a sappy fella. Maybe this is me being feisty, and tired of Single Serving Friends to a point of wishing I wasn't the only one putting forth the effort.
Or, maybe I just need a drink, and a fistful of Shut The Fuck Up?!
Either way...
It's my blog. These are my feelings. And, so it's okay.
TALLY-HOOOOO!!!!!
=Knuckles
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
I shall spear you with my raging demon rod!!!
"What's that? Oh...I didn't notice...well, would you happen to have a cock ring in your pocket so I can stab you in the face with my meaty demon spear?"
You may ask, "What in the fuck is he babbling on about now?" Well, I'll tell ya...
It seems that whenever someone begins to tell me at length about how that God has been leading them in the right direction, and their life is more complete with Him in it...and then the inevitable question comes about of "What religion are you? Have you been going to church?" "I'm an Atheist."
And, then, I get THE look. Like I've got a 14 inch throbbing cock that is growing out of my forehead. Like I'm some kind of freak of nature that they now don't know any longer. That I am born of evil, and my presence is now damning them to the fiery depths of Hell!!
Yeah, THAT look.
"What? I never knew that! How can you not believe in God? He is all around you. His miracles are everywhere you look."
In my (and every Atheists) mind, when they ask "How can you not believe in God?", I am asking "How CAN you?"
You see, I wasn't judging you the whole time you were speaking. I was letting you exist in your own little bubble. Believing what you want to believe. Yet, as soon as I spoke of your God not existing...I am a stranger.
Atheists don't go door-to-door trying to get you to not believe in your God. We don't push our belief off on anyone. We don't go to other countries under a false guise of "helping them" only to fix their house, only if they'll let us teach them of our philosophy.
Don't get me wrong. I believe in the idea of what religion was based on. A set of guidelines, that are meant to assist people in being a better community.
Don't kill. Don't rape. Don't fuck your neighbors wife....shit like that. But, aren't these things that any fucking moron could figure out on his own? I mean, I'd LOVE to believe in your God, I would...but, I don't. There's no proof. No science. Nothing, but faith. If I started having faith that my schlong would grow to 18 inches...I'd be the happiest man on the planet. Would it happen? No. But, the faith in it would make me smile.
I think that we Atheists are generally more genial than most other beliefs. Being that we believe that our existence is only that of a blade of grass. We're here. We exist. We grow. We die. Then it enables us to concentrate more of the Here-and-Now more than believing we're going to the mansion in the clouds with a dude that looks like Santa for an eternity. Yes, a blade of grass breathes oxygen. It grows, has energy, and dies if not properly cared for, but if you ask anyone that believes in religion if it's going to Heaven, they'll reply "Of course not. Don't be stupid.". The same answer comes with dogs, cats, or any other animal. "Animals don't have souls."
Wait, aren't we animals? Then, of course...we get into the whole "Book" bullshit....yada yada yada. I get it. You want everyone on the planet to believe in your belief so YOU can get into your Heaven, for being a good believer in your religion. Well, here's what I want when I die.
Dig a hole...grab an acorn...stick it in my belly button...throw me in the hole...cover me with dirt. Go get drunk.
OR....option B: Build a large bed out of sticks, and logs, place me on it, pour gasoline over the whole thing, push me out into the ocean...shoot a flaming arrow at my ass like I'm a fucking viking!...then....Go get drunk.
You see, once I have no more use for this carcass of a body, I want to NOT be stuck in a box, and buried someplace for no purpose. Where's the "Circle of Life" in that? Lame. I've done wayyyy too much cool shit on this planet to not go out like a warrior. This earth has given me some bad ass memories, and I want to give something back to it. How about...the vitamins and nutrients that my body would give a tree? One day, my great grandchildren could walk by and say "Hello Grandpa Johnny!" to an enormous fucking oak tree!!
Bottom line. If me not believing in your God doesn't make me stare at you like a cock is growing out of your forehead each time you mention your God, then stop looking at me that way when I speak my mind.
I'm nice. (mostly) I'm polite. (mostly) I'm a gentleman. (you get the drift)
So, why judge me on what we don't have in common? Why not judge me on the fact I haven't tried to murder you. Or fuck your sister. Why not judge me on the fact I opened the door for your grandma, and made you dinner?
You're born, and you die. We all do. As soon as we're born, we begin dying. So, how about not judging so much on the differences, and start to celebrate the similarities?
Fucking idiots.
One love,
Knuckles
P.S. Jesus was a drunk. Who else would turn water into wine?
You may ask, "What in the fuck is he babbling on about now?" Well, I'll tell ya...
It seems that whenever someone begins to tell me at length about how that God has been leading them in the right direction, and their life is more complete with Him in it...and then the inevitable question comes about of "What religion are you? Have you been going to church?" "I'm an Atheist."
And, then, I get THE look. Like I've got a 14 inch throbbing cock that is growing out of my forehead. Like I'm some kind of freak of nature that they now don't know any longer. That I am born of evil, and my presence is now damning them to the fiery depths of Hell!!
Yeah, THAT look.
"What? I never knew that! How can you not believe in God? He is all around you. His miracles are everywhere you look."
In my (and every Atheists) mind, when they ask "How can you not believe in God?", I am asking "How CAN you?"
You see, I wasn't judging you the whole time you were speaking. I was letting you exist in your own little bubble. Believing what you want to believe. Yet, as soon as I spoke of your God not existing...I am a stranger.
Atheists don't go door-to-door trying to get you to not believe in your God. We don't push our belief off on anyone. We don't go to other countries under a false guise of "helping them" only to fix their house, only if they'll let us teach them of our philosophy.
Don't get me wrong. I believe in the idea of what religion was based on. A set of guidelines, that are meant to assist people in being a better community.
Don't kill. Don't rape. Don't fuck your neighbors wife....shit like that. But, aren't these things that any fucking moron could figure out on his own? I mean, I'd LOVE to believe in your God, I would...but, I don't. There's no proof. No science. Nothing, but faith. If I started having faith that my schlong would grow to 18 inches...I'd be the happiest man on the planet. Would it happen? No. But, the faith in it would make me smile.
I think that we Atheists are generally more genial than most other beliefs. Being that we believe that our existence is only that of a blade of grass. We're here. We exist. We grow. We die. Then it enables us to concentrate more of the Here-and-Now more than believing we're going to the mansion in the clouds with a dude that looks like Santa for an eternity. Yes, a blade of grass breathes oxygen. It grows, has energy, and dies if not properly cared for, but if you ask anyone that believes in religion if it's going to Heaven, they'll reply "Of course not. Don't be stupid.". The same answer comes with dogs, cats, or any other animal. "Animals don't have souls."
Wait, aren't we animals? Then, of course...we get into the whole "Book" bullshit....yada yada yada. I get it. You want everyone on the planet to believe in your belief so YOU can get into your Heaven, for being a good believer in your religion. Well, here's what I want when I die.
Dig a hole...grab an acorn...stick it in my belly button...throw me in the hole...cover me with dirt. Go get drunk.
OR....option B: Build a large bed out of sticks, and logs, place me on it, pour gasoline over the whole thing, push me out into the ocean...shoot a flaming arrow at my ass like I'm a fucking viking!...then....Go get drunk.
You see, once I have no more use for this carcass of a body, I want to NOT be stuck in a box, and buried someplace for no purpose. Where's the "Circle of Life" in that? Lame. I've done wayyyy too much cool shit on this planet to not go out like a warrior. This earth has given me some bad ass memories, and I want to give something back to it. How about...the vitamins and nutrients that my body would give a tree? One day, my great grandchildren could walk by and say "Hello Grandpa Johnny!" to an enormous fucking oak tree!!
Bottom line. If me not believing in your God doesn't make me stare at you like a cock is growing out of your forehead each time you mention your God, then stop looking at me that way when I speak my mind.
I'm nice. (mostly) I'm polite. (mostly) I'm a gentleman. (you get the drift)
So, why judge me on what we don't have in common? Why not judge me on the fact I haven't tried to murder you. Or fuck your sister. Why not judge me on the fact I opened the door for your grandma, and made you dinner?
You're born, and you die. We all do. As soon as we're born, we begin dying. So, how about not judging so much on the differences, and start to celebrate the similarities?
Fucking idiots.
One love,
Knuckles
P.S. Jesus was a drunk. Who else would turn water into wine?
Friday, December 24, 2010
If this is Love....then what's that?
You know what has been shattering my glass for years now? ("A lot, apparently!" you may say)
For years we're brought up to believe that Love is some magical aura around us all. It creates passion, compassion, caring, desire, war, and a long list of other things. Yet, for years I've seen people dumb it down, kick it aside, and treat it as just any other emotion.
"I luv u" No punctuation. And, two out of the three words aren't even complete words. "ILY" is a new one I've seen, and the only reply to that I have is "WTF?"!
When I was raised, my Mom always taught me "Don't say it, unless you mean it. It's a powerful word to throw around.", and that was an understatement. As I grew up, I learned more and more of it's power. Men used that word to get themselves laid. Christians used that word to describe how they felt about Jesus. I then started hearing people use it without blinking an eye to describe a friends outfit. "I LOVE that on you." (and 9 times out of 10, if it's two chicks, the over emphasis means you look like a complete Schmoo in it)
People were using it to describe a movie they saw, a food they ate, and a song they heard.
Now, don't get me wrong, I believe you can love music. I get a warm and fuzzy feeling each time I listen to Sinatra. I feel calm, relaxed, and full of happiness. But, when you tell someone "I was working out in the gym yesterday, and Mickey Avalon's 'Fucking Them All' came on my iPod." and the person replies "I love that song!", it really makes you question that person's understanding of music.
But, what really pisses me off is the abbreviation of the word between people you love. Say, for instance, you're talking to your wife as she's leaving work via text message, and you write to her "I luv u". She then heads home, and some jerk off diesel driver plows her car over, and she's dead. The last thing you wrote to her was an abbreviation of love. You didn't take the time to write out the whole thing. You took a shortcut. That, to me, shows how much you care. If you truly love someone, there are no shortcuts. You take the time out of your day, your week, and your life for them. To show them you enjoy having them so much, that you don't shorten this feeling. You don't dumb it down. You take it seriously, and you do so with conviction.
"I luv u", is something that a 14 year old girl writes her boyfriend of 2 weeks. Leave it to the idiotic teenagers. If you're an adult, treat love as such. We as a people need to take love back into our lives. Mend it's wounds that we have inflicted upon it, and raise it up to the pedestal it should be on. Because when you dumb down the spelling of something, you're taking the respect, honor, and dignity away from the phrase itself.
I have been in love twice in my life. Once, to the point of saying "Words cannot describe the feeling I have for you, but the closest words I can find, is 'I love you.". With that level of caring, feeling, desire, and passion...you want to convey it to the person with as much weight as possible.
We have become lazy in our language. In our ways in general. We take many shortcuts on things that we should take our time in doing. Expressing our feelings to one another is something that should take some time out of your day. Set aside 5 minutes for the ones you love to write them something, in long hand, to express yourself intimately. 5 minutes is a long time in terms of writing. You can get a lot of words and feelings into 5 minutes. Yet, it is such a short amount of time in the spectrum of life. If you do this, I promise you, that you will make the person on the receiving end feel so loved, and so happy, that you yourself will have nothing to do but smile.
Thomas Carlyle wrote: "A loving heart is the beginning of all knowledge.", and to me, it is the effort, the willpower, the energy, and the intelligence that we put into that love that makes it visible to the people we do love.
Bottom line...stop being a fucking idiot, and if you love someone, don't take a lazy ass shortcut to tell them so. Be it friend, husband, family member or your mailman. If you love someone, prove it.
With all my like,
Johnny
P.S. I loooooooove me some scotch!!
For years we're brought up to believe that Love is some magical aura around us all. It creates passion, compassion, caring, desire, war, and a long list of other things. Yet, for years I've seen people dumb it down, kick it aside, and treat it as just any other emotion.
"I luv u" No punctuation. And, two out of the three words aren't even complete words. "ILY" is a new one I've seen, and the only reply to that I have is "WTF?"!
When I was raised, my Mom always taught me "Don't say it, unless you mean it. It's a powerful word to throw around.", and that was an understatement. As I grew up, I learned more and more of it's power. Men used that word to get themselves laid. Christians used that word to describe how they felt about Jesus. I then started hearing people use it without blinking an eye to describe a friends outfit. "I LOVE that on you." (and 9 times out of 10, if it's two chicks, the over emphasis means you look like a complete Schmoo in it)
People were using it to describe a movie they saw, a food they ate, and a song they heard.
Now, don't get me wrong, I believe you can love music. I get a warm and fuzzy feeling each time I listen to Sinatra. I feel calm, relaxed, and full of happiness. But, when you tell someone "I was working out in the gym yesterday, and Mickey Avalon's 'Fucking Them All' came on my iPod." and the person replies "I love that song!", it really makes you question that person's understanding of music.
But, what really pisses me off is the abbreviation of the word between people you love. Say, for instance, you're talking to your wife as she's leaving work via text message, and you write to her "I luv u". She then heads home, and some jerk off diesel driver plows her car over, and she's dead. The last thing you wrote to her was an abbreviation of love. You didn't take the time to write out the whole thing. You took a shortcut. That, to me, shows how much you care. If you truly love someone, there are no shortcuts. You take the time out of your day, your week, and your life for them. To show them you enjoy having them so much, that you don't shorten this feeling. You don't dumb it down. You take it seriously, and you do so with conviction.
"I luv u", is something that a 14 year old girl writes her boyfriend of 2 weeks. Leave it to the idiotic teenagers. If you're an adult, treat love as such. We as a people need to take love back into our lives. Mend it's wounds that we have inflicted upon it, and raise it up to the pedestal it should be on. Because when you dumb down the spelling of something, you're taking the respect, honor, and dignity away from the phrase itself.
I have been in love twice in my life. Once, to the point of saying "Words cannot describe the feeling I have for you, but the closest words I can find, is 'I love you.". With that level of caring, feeling, desire, and passion...you want to convey it to the person with as much weight as possible.
We have become lazy in our language. In our ways in general. We take many shortcuts on things that we should take our time in doing. Expressing our feelings to one another is something that should take some time out of your day. Set aside 5 minutes for the ones you love to write them something, in long hand, to express yourself intimately. 5 minutes is a long time in terms of writing. You can get a lot of words and feelings into 5 minutes. Yet, it is such a short amount of time in the spectrum of life. If you do this, I promise you, that you will make the person on the receiving end feel so loved, and so happy, that you yourself will have nothing to do but smile.
Thomas Carlyle wrote: "A loving heart is the beginning of all knowledge.", and to me, it is the effort, the willpower, the energy, and the intelligence that we put into that love that makes it visible to the people we do love.
Bottom line...stop being a fucking idiot, and if you love someone, don't take a lazy ass shortcut to tell them so. Be it friend, husband, family member or your mailman. If you love someone, prove it.
With all my like,
Johnny
P.S. I loooooooove me some scotch!!
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
Rocky Balboa wasn't Mexican....and Black Porn can't be made with Asians...
Can you hear that?....listen closely...it's the sounds of the gloves coming off! It's time for some bare Knuckles!!
I just read something that blew my skirt up. Turned me into a Mary, and I screamed like a bitch. (no feminists, not like a female, like a pansy assed man) I'm talking
about...
THIS!!
AHHHH!!!! A chick sued the Lord of the Rings STUDIOS for RACISM!!
Okay, as a former actor, I take A LOT of beef with this! There is just so much wrong with that. I was turned down so many times for my weight, my height, my hair, my eyes, my teeth, my skin color, my....my....MYYYY!!!....because....*drum roll* I WASN'T RIGHT FOR THE FUCKING PART!!!
Look, Harry Potter wasn't Filipino. He was a white British kid, that lived in the space under some stairs. Rocky was Italian-American. White Guy, meat-headish, boxer type. We can't recast him with Oscar De La Hoya, BECAUSE HE'S NOT ITALIAN!!!
You get what I'm selling here folks? People are "sue happy" and, because the judicial system puts up with that bullshit, the studios, the producers, and directors are afraid to be sexist, racist, or whatever....
Look, I'm 5'10" tall. My acting career went in the toilet...so, say I decided to go to porn. I read in the Valley's rag-mags...."Seeking well hung black man, over 6 feet, to slang some thang!!". Then, I show up at the audition, and lose out to....YOU GUESSED IT!!! a mandingo black man that would wrap his cock around my throat and strangle me with it if he wanted!! Because, HE WAS RIGHT FOR THE PART!!! If you picked up a porno that said "THICK BLACK COCK!!" on the front, and you watched it, and it was the Asian dude from the Hangover in it...with a regular sized weenie...you'd want your money back!
Apparently this broad didn't read the books. She wants to be a light skinned fairy elf, with blonde hair. Yet, when she gets to the audition, and the CD tells her...."Ummm....you're not a light skinned fairy elf. You're actually....Indian looking.", she decides it time to call a lawyer.
Get fucked!! I didn't audition for Harry Potter, because I'm a 30 something, tall, a little chubby, Dego!!
Grow some fucking balls Warner Bros.!! You to Peter Jackson!! I would never walk into a hospital and say "I want to apply for the Brain Surgeon job!" and then sue them when they said..."Well, sir, you're actually not a brain surgeon, and to be honest, you're not actually that bright."
Okay, maybe I'd sue them for calling me dumb....but, the other part is correct.
This world is going to hell in a hand basket! I only had books, movies, porn and music to lull me into my pre-apocalypse coma...now...it seems...I need to prepare for horrible music (thanks Justin Bieber), Kindles, and a small pricked porn star.
I know this doesn't flow as well as some of my blogs, but it was more of a spur-of-the-moment rant, rather than a blog.
Know your role folks.
Hasta luego,
Johnny
I just read something that blew my skirt up. Turned me into a Mary, and I screamed like a bitch. (no feminists, not like a female, like a pansy assed man) I'm talking
about...
THIS!!
AHHHH!!!! A chick sued the Lord of the Rings STUDIOS for RACISM!!
Okay, as a former actor, I take A LOT of beef with this! There is just so much wrong with that. I was turned down so many times for my weight, my height, my hair, my eyes, my teeth, my skin color, my....my....MYYYY!!!....because....*drum roll* I WASN'T RIGHT FOR THE FUCKING PART!!!
Look, Harry Potter wasn't Filipino. He was a white British kid, that lived in the space under some stairs. Rocky was Italian-American. White Guy, meat-headish, boxer type. We can't recast him with Oscar De La Hoya, BECAUSE HE'S NOT ITALIAN!!!
You get what I'm selling here folks? People are "sue happy" and, because the judicial system puts up with that bullshit, the studios, the producers, and directors are afraid to be sexist, racist, or whatever....
Look, I'm 5'10" tall. My acting career went in the toilet...so, say I decided to go to porn. I read in the Valley's rag-mags...."Seeking well hung black man, over 6 feet, to slang some thang!!". Then, I show up at the audition, and lose out to....YOU GUESSED IT!!! a mandingo black man that would wrap his cock around my throat and strangle me with it if he wanted!! Because, HE WAS RIGHT FOR THE PART!!! If you picked up a porno that said "THICK BLACK COCK!!" on the front, and you watched it, and it was the Asian dude from the Hangover in it...with a regular sized weenie...you'd want your money back!
Apparently this broad didn't read the books. She wants to be a light skinned fairy elf, with blonde hair. Yet, when she gets to the audition, and the CD tells her...."Ummm....you're not a light skinned fairy elf. You're actually....Indian looking.", she decides it time to call a lawyer.
Get fucked!! I didn't audition for Harry Potter, because I'm a 30 something, tall, a little chubby, Dego!!
Grow some fucking balls Warner Bros.!! You to Peter Jackson!! I would never walk into a hospital and say "I want to apply for the Brain Surgeon job!" and then sue them when they said..."Well, sir, you're actually not a brain surgeon, and to be honest, you're not actually that bright."
Okay, maybe I'd sue them for calling me dumb....but, the other part is correct.
This world is going to hell in a hand basket! I only had books, movies, porn and music to lull me into my pre-apocalypse coma...now...it seems...I need to prepare for horrible music (thanks Justin Bieber), Kindles, and a small pricked porn star.
I know this doesn't flow as well as some of my blogs, but it was more of a spur-of-the-moment rant, rather than a blog.
Know your role folks.
Hasta luego,
Johnny
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