Hello Universe, it's me, Asshole. I'm here to tell you a story about weak people that are either afraid to offend, or wanting to 'feel' powerful and try to change others.
This includes, but is not limited to, the people that use the words effin, darn, shoot, and heck. No adult should, (unless there are respectable people about in a social environment, and/or children about), ever be heard uttering these words.
"Why?" you may ask? Well, I'll tell you why.
For 2 reasons really. These words still imply their more ferocious cousin is the real word for the situation. "That movie was effin amazing!!" 1) Everyone knows what word you are replacing, and are now translating said word in their head to the word "Fuck." and are now THINKING you said "That movie was FUCKING amazing!" and therefore you should have used the REAL word in the first place and 2) Explicit words are there for a reason, and should be used to....wait for it...
TO PAINT AN INCREDIBLE FUCKING PICTURE!!!
You see, I am a gentleman, but I am also a full grown man, and well capable of using the English Vocabulary as I see fit. I restrain from profanity around children, and social situations where it does not deem fit. BUT!, I am a full blown believer in using as colorful words as possible, as often as possible to paint the most vibrant sentence I can when the time calls for it.
This brings me back to the pussies I spoke of earlier. "Don't use foul language. It's a sin. God would look down on that."
Welllllll....asshole....first things first...GOD doesn't exist, and therefore I don't fear your imaginary friend that thinks I'm a "Bad Boy". Second, nowhere in the Bible does it state that any person cannot use profane language. Mostly, guess what, because if God created language, he also created the bad words, and not using something that God created...would probably piss him off, but even more so, that the BIBLE WASN'T WRITTEN IN ENGLISH!!! It was translated into English through years upon years of translating it from other languages.
So, me saying "FUCK YOU!!!" isn't a strike against your God, because our language wasn't even around when that Bible was written. Jesus himself could stand in front of me, with his dark skin and his Jewfro and I could yell "LET'S GET FUCKED UP MOTHERFUCKER!!!" and he would stare at me blankly, because HE DIDN'T SPEAK ENGLISH!!! So, you Bible Knocky fucktards....leave me alone.
To cap it all off, I'm just going to say that we as adults (as I've stated on numerous occasions) are an immature lot. Our grandparents cursed like sailors, and drank like fish. Yet, our pussified, immature society has taken a turn for the weak, and lame. "I don't want to offend anyone on Facebook." Well, fucko, if you're a person that curses on a daily basis, and you stop doing so to Update Your Status, then you're a putz. You shouldn't have people on that thing that don't love you for your personality (vocabulary included), and therefore you should start clicking REMOVE FRIEND quite often. And for all of you adults that are using "OMG!!" and "LMFAO" and to the lamer extent...."LMDAO" (oh yeah, for the ones that are even too big of a puss to put an F in there for FUCKING!)...Grow up. You're in your 30's and no one is going to mistake you for a 16 year old because you are using TEXT LINGO on Facebook. If you have a full QWERTY keyboard in front of you, and you are using idiotic abbreviations, then you are too damn stupid to be on the internet to begin with.
Bring back the strong men from World War II that would exclaim "Honey, I need a fucking beer." when they would return home from a long day at work. The same men that told you those were "Grownup words, and you can't use them until you're an adult." and you would sneak a "DAMN!" in with your friends, when you knew no adult was around to hear you. Trying them on for size. Until you were old enough for that first scotch/beer with your pops and he told you that you could use these words freely. At first you overuse them, but then you slide into a groove. You know what words belong where, and you know that with overuse you sound vulgar, but with the proper use you sound strong willed, confident, and rebellious.
I'll be damned if a CEO of a company came up to me and said "OH EM GEE!!(omg) I just saw this HAWT honey in the bathroom. BEE ARE BEE!!! (brb)" I would kill myself right then and there as I thought to myself "This company is going in the toilet."
Look people, if the world of vocabulary were a painting, why would you only use primary colors? Weren't we all jealous of the kid in class with the HUGE box of Crayola's that had all the 'inbetween' colors? Ours were the basics, and we all knew that "Sky Blue" was much cooler than "Blue".
So, be confident, be free....when you're pissed....yell "FUCK!!!!" and you'll feel much better than yelling "EFF!!!!!" Moron.
In summation, I say that men and women go back to basics on a lot of things. Let's take back our language, and destroy this new one that children are using, (and some adults that are afraid to grow up). Grow a backbone, and don't be so afraid to step on toes. Because, take my word for it, the only people's toes that you're stepping on, are weak minded, childish, and insignificant people that should have thicker skin.
Simon Pegg said it best in Sean of the Dead:
"GET FUCKED FOUR EYES!!!"
Indeed Sean....get fucked indeed.
-Knuckles Fucking Mangano
[UPDATE] This is courtesy of iampaddy.com It really hits on the subject of idiocy, and belongs in MANY of my blogs, but it will be here, as reference, or as a laughing...pointing...finger when you need it:
(direct link: http://iampaddy.com/spell/)
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