As you have all undoubtedly noticed, I have my own askewed view on this voyage we like to call Life. I see things through my own tinted shades, and I make up my own rules as I go along. Especially ones that I see aren't working out for the rest of humanity. Tonight, I shall give you another glimpse into the eye that we should all share to view the world in a different angle.
The Brown Eye.
Not to be confused with a pair of brown eyes, connected to a beautiful Mexican woman's skull. No. I'm talking about the asshole. Your Rear Winker. The Corn Cutter. The Pleasant Pipe. (that's a gay one)...you get the picture.
"Why?" you may ask yet again, would I venture into such uncharted territory?
For love my friends.
In my time in this world, I've met a lot of couples that think they know everything there is to know about each other, only to have their relationship end in shattered bits all over the floor. Then, for months I have to hear "I thought I knew her/him! I thought I knew them inside and out!". That's when I inevitably ask my question that makes everyone squirm a little. "Did you ever see his/her asshole?"
The initial reaction is always "Huh?"
Followed by a pause, and the look on their face of them retracing the steps of the conversation to see if they may have said something that would have led me to that question, or that they may have possibly misheard me.
"Did you ever see their asshole?"
"Why would you ask that?"
"You came to me to lay out your heart and soul, and your woe-is-me problems. Answer the fucking question."
"Sure, I guess. I mean, if we were having sex doggy style, but you never really 'see' it. It's not something you look at directly is it?"
Here's where we get into my psyche.
Why is it not? It's taboo right? It's 'Off Limits'! But, it's connected to the rest of the body. A body that you love above all others. A body that you yourself would have lain in front of a train to protect at any given time. But, you are afraid to know your mate 100%. It's not pleasant to look at, no. Neither are balls, armpits, tongues...but, we know them all very well.
Let's soften it up a little bit. Remember the first time you let one rip in front of the person you were dating? How it was a little embarrassing, but a little freeing at the same time? That feeling like "Okay, finally, we're to THAT stage of comfort in our relationship!". Yet, it nearly ends there. The exploration, and freedom stops there, or with the whole bathroom ordeal altogether.
You set these walls. These limits. These barriers up after that. "He can't see me pee. That's just gross." To me, if I can clean puke off of you after a night out at a club, or I can pick up your snotty Kleenex after you being sick, I can be in the same room as you when you're letting the yellow river flow. Think it's gross? So is farting, IF YOU MAKE IT THAT!!! Think it's a part of human nature? Then, you're probably one step closer to your partner thinking YOU TRULY KNOW THEM 100%!!
Here's the thing; I've met couples where the woman doesn't take off her makeup until the husband goes to sleep, and she gets up before he wakes up, and puts it back on. You know what I call that? A fucking mask! Where is the real you? Because, if I wanted a fucking mannequin I would have bought a fuckdoll, and not married a flesh and blood woman. Same goes for these weak ass men that overhear their boys talking about "...then she reached down and started rubbing her own bean so she'd explode even bigger! It was intense man!", only to hear your friends ask "Hey, fuck knob, does your wife ever do any kinky shit like that?" "Nah, I'd never ask her to. She'd think I was a freak."
Barrier.
If your husband is afraid to ask you to do things, there's a wall up there. You know what the next step is? Him finding a girl that doesn't have that wall, and puts that kinky shit on Front Street. No walls. No barriers. Just crazy, fucked up sex. Then, he'll start feeling like he knows HER more, because she was doing things that he had imagined for years that you wouldn't do. Made a small fish, into a big whale of a problem.
Look, I'm not saying go buy some rubber fist and jam it into each others orifices. I'm saying, if you explore each other, from top to bottom, there will be less to feel blocked out about.
Couples should know one another from head to toe if you truly want to last a lifetime. The human body, is a lumpy, bumpy sack of guts and skin...no matter how you shake it. Setting up roadblocks, only creates doubt, and walls in a relationship. Once you can bend over in front of your spouse without thinking "OH SHIT!! DID I JUST WINK MY BROWN EYE AT HIM?!?!?!" you'll feel a lot more at ease in this skin sack we call a body.
If you were given the opportunity to explore Atlantis, wouldn't you be a little curious as to what the bathrooms looked like?
Be free, this body is only temporary anyhow...eventually it'll be soil.
Always yours,
Knuckles
P.S. Aim that thing somewhere else if we're in an elevator together.
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
Monday, May 2, 2011
In the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Shit!!
"You're live on KROQ miss, what's your question?" "My name is Angela, and my boyfriend that I've been dating for awhile, that I'm truly head over heels for, wants me to convert to Judaism, from Catholicism. I'm not super religious, but I wanted someone's opinion that isn't a part of the situation."
YOU GOT IT BIRD!!! I'm your huckleberry!
From as early as Romeo and Juliette, I've seen problems with "Birds of a feather, don't really flock together.", because, even if you're a bird (human), doesn't mean your feathers are the same color, your beak's the same size, or your shit is white enough. Maybe you like to dump on Hondas, instead of BMW's? Regardless, they're not fucking welcomed in other flocks.
Here you have a man, that sees exactly what he wants. She probably makes him warm and fuzzy, and his heart beat fast, and he wants to do things for her that he never felt for another woman. He wants to cook her dinner every night. He wants to travel the world with JUST her...not her and his friends... He wants to write her poems, and find her favorite flowers and surprise her with them.
He's smitten.
But, there's a problem. He's Jewish, and she's...well...not. Mom and Dad would have a coronary if he brought home a goy female. (non-jewish) Then, if they wrapped their minds around it, how do they explain it to the rest of the family?
Do you see a factor here folks? What is the problem with this scenario? Love, cannot conquer all, because FAITH stands in the way.
Faith: Firm belief in something, for which there is no proof.
Fact: Something that has actual existence.
Religion vs. Love
Here we have two people that could spend an lifetime of pure bliss, and happiness, and romance together, were it not for one simple thing, that people turn into a big thing. People die for both things. People kill for both things. People write books about both things. To me, the only difference is, one is commonly in our presence at all times, and we can see it, and touch it, and kiss it, and hug it...the other we have to have FAITH that it's there. (yes, many will argue that "I can see it. I can touch it. I can..."...you can shut the fuck up...because, no you fucking can't.
In a world that has less and less gentlemen, this woman found a man that she wants to spend her life with, but doesn't want to be given and ultimatum of "Convert, or there's no way we can be together.". You have a man, that was willing to look past her being goy, to date her, to get to know her, and to fall in love with her, and (from what i can gather) wants to spend the rest of his life with her, and wants them to have the least amount of resistance from his family, and therefore only sees one way he can do that.
Love...true love...people, is hard to find. I mean, REALLY hard to find. When you find it, do whatever it takes to hold on to it. Great things, sometimes require sacrifice. Take my word for it. I'm an Atheist, and 90% of the population isn't. So, I've had to come to grips with the fact that if I don't want to be alone forever, I will have to sacrifice my beliefs from time to time, and pick my battles, to have love. Not one woman I have dated in my past has ever been Atheist. I've been in a couple of incredible relationships, and I'm a believer in Quality over Quantity, and so if you're the kind of person that religion is only 0% to 5% of your life, then that should be something you should be willing to sacrifice for love. If religion is 80 to 90% of your life, then that is obviously something you need to find someone else with the same percentage.
This love thing, is a serious thing. It's necessary for life. Religion is not. If you take away Bibles, Quarans, and Torahs...and you have two people...living on an island, that are deeply and passionately in love, they will be just fine. They will reproduce. They will cuddle. They will kiss. They will fuck in the gritty sand until a jellyfish stings his balls and she has to piss.....wait...I got carried away.
Humanity is a fragile thing. Love, even more so. With the internet, social networking, online dating, texting, and so on taking over the world, a physical and emotional connection is a rare thing. When you find it, hold on to it like a case of the herpes, and don't let it go.
Because, at the end of a bad day, I'd much rather have someone that I sacrificed something to have in my life, greeting me at home with a hug, and a kiss, than an imaginary friend that I have to have faith that he's hugging me.
Plus, Religion never got me laid.
I have faith...that love can.
------
In closing; Bird, if Religion isn't a big deal to you, nor your family, I'd say do what you have to do for love. Love SHOULD conquer all. If he says it's a deal breaker that you don't...then chalk it up to the Relationship Fairy fucking with you.
But, make sure that whatever you do, no matter how much weight is in it, you do with your whole heart, or you'll always question yourself. Because, you never want to live in the "Shoulda, Coulda, Woulda"'s of life. Make your decision. Make it a sound one. And, love....love hard...love pure....love genuine....just love.
Sincerely,
Johnny
- - - (i wonder if using the word Love this many times in a blog will get me laid?)
YOU GOT IT BIRD!!! I'm your huckleberry!
From as early as Romeo and Juliette, I've seen problems with "Birds of a feather, don't really flock together.", because, even if you're a bird (human), doesn't mean your feathers are the same color, your beak's the same size, or your shit is white enough. Maybe you like to dump on Hondas, instead of BMW's? Regardless, they're not fucking welcomed in other flocks.
Here you have a man, that sees exactly what he wants. She probably makes him warm and fuzzy, and his heart beat fast, and he wants to do things for her that he never felt for another woman. He wants to cook her dinner every night. He wants to travel the world with JUST her...not her and his friends... He wants to write her poems, and find her favorite flowers and surprise her with them.
He's smitten.
But, there's a problem. He's Jewish, and she's...well...not. Mom and Dad would have a coronary if he brought home a goy female. (non-jewish) Then, if they wrapped their minds around it, how do they explain it to the rest of the family?
Do you see a factor here folks? What is the problem with this scenario? Love, cannot conquer all, because FAITH stands in the way.
Faith: Firm belief in something, for which there is no proof.
Fact: Something that has actual existence.
Religion vs. Love
Here we have two people that could spend an lifetime of pure bliss, and happiness, and romance together, were it not for one simple thing, that people turn into a big thing. People die for both things. People kill for both things. People write books about both things. To me, the only difference is, one is commonly in our presence at all times, and we can see it, and touch it, and kiss it, and hug it...the other we have to have FAITH that it's there. (yes, many will argue that "I can see it. I can touch it. I can..."...you can shut the fuck up...because, no you fucking can't.
In a world that has less and less gentlemen, this woman found a man that she wants to spend her life with, but doesn't want to be given and ultimatum of "Convert, or there's no way we can be together.". You have a man, that was willing to look past her being goy, to date her, to get to know her, and to fall in love with her, and (from what i can gather) wants to spend the rest of his life with her, and wants them to have the least amount of resistance from his family, and therefore only sees one way he can do that.
Love...true love...people, is hard to find. I mean, REALLY hard to find. When you find it, do whatever it takes to hold on to it. Great things, sometimes require sacrifice. Take my word for it. I'm an Atheist, and 90% of the population isn't. So, I've had to come to grips with the fact that if I don't want to be alone forever, I will have to sacrifice my beliefs from time to time, and pick my battles, to have love. Not one woman I have dated in my past has ever been Atheist. I've been in a couple of incredible relationships, and I'm a believer in Quality over Quantity, and so if you're the kind of person that religion is only 0% to 5% of your life, then that should be something you should be willing to sacrifice for love. If religion is 80 to 90% of your life, then that is obviously something you need to find someone else with the same percentage.
This love thing, is a serious thing. It's necessary for life. Religion is not. If you take away Bibles, Quarans, and Torahs...and you have two people...living on an island, that are deeply and passionately in love, they will be just fine. They will reproduce. They will cuddle. They will kiss. They will fuck in the gritty sand until a jellyfish stings his balls and she has to piss.....wait...I got carried away.
Humanity is a fragile thing. Love, even more so. With the internet, social networking, online dating, texting, and so on taking over the world, a physical and emotional connection is a rare thing. When you find it, hold on to it like a case of the herpes, and don't let it go.
Because, at the end of a bad day, I'd much rather have someone that I sacrificed something to have in my life, greeting me at home with a hug, and a kiss, than an imaginary friend that I have to have faith that he's hugging me.
Plus, Religion never got me laid.
I have faith...that love can.
------
In closing; Bird, if Religion isn't a big deal to you, nor your family, I'd say do what you have to do for love. Love SHOULD conquer all. If he says it's a deal breaker that you don't...then chalk it up to the Relationship Fairy fucking with you.
But, make sure that whatever you do, no matter how much weight is in it, you do with your whole heart, or you'll always question yourself. Because, you never want to live in the "Shoulda, Coulda, Woulda"'s of life. Make your decision. Make it a sound one. And, love....love hard...love pure....love genuine....just love.
Sincerely,
Johnny
- - - (i wonder if using the word Love this many times in a blog will get me laid?)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)