If this is Love....then what's that?

You know what has been shattering my glass for years now? ("A lot, apparently!" you may say)

For years we're brought up to believe that Love is some magical aura around us all. It creates passion, compassion, caring, desire, war, and a long list of other things. Yet, for years I've seen people dumb it down, kick it aside, and treat it as just any other emotion.

"I luv u" No punctuation. And, two out of the three words aren't even complete words. "ILY" is a new one I've seen, and the only reply to that I have is "WTF?"!

When I was raised, my Mom always taught me "Don't say it, unless you mean it. It's a powerful word to throw around.", and that was an understatement. As I grew up, I learned more and more of it's power. Men used that word to get themselves laid. Christians used that word to describe how they felt about Jesus. I then started hearing people use it without blinking an eye to describe a friends outfit. "I LOVE that on you." (and 9 times out of 10, if it's two chicks, the over emphasis means you look like a complete Schmoo in it)

People were using it to describe a movie they saw, a food they ate, and a song they heard.

Now, don't get me wrong, I believe you can love music. I get a warm and fuzzy feeling each time I listen to Sinatra. I feel calm, relaxed, and full of happiness. But, when you tell someone "I was working out in the gym yesterday, and Mickey Avalon's 'Fucking Them All' came on my iPod." and the person replies "I love that song!", it really makes you question that person's understanding of music.

But, what really pisses me off is the abbreviation of the word between people you love. Say, for instance, you're talking to your wife as she's leaving work via text message, and you write to her "I luv u". She then heads home, and some jerk off diesel driver plows her car over, and she's dead. The last thing you wrote to her was an abbreviation of love. You didn't take the time to write out the whole thing. You took a shortcut. That, to me, shows how much you care. If you truly love someone, there are no shortcuts. You take the time out of your day, your week, and your life for them. To show them you enjoy having them so much, that you don't shorten this feeling. You don't dumb it down. You take it seriously, and you do so with conviction.

"I luv u", is something that a 14 year old girl writes her boyfriend of 2 weeks. Leave it to the idiotic teenagers. If you're an adult, treat love as such. We as a people need to take love back into our lives. Mend it's wounds that we have inflicted upon it, and raise it up to the pedestal it should be on. Because when you dumb down the spelling of something, you're taking the respect, honor, and dignity away from the phrase itself.

I have been in love twice in my life. Once, to the point of saying "Words cannot describe the feeling I have for you, but the closest words I can find, is 'I love you.". With that level of caring, feeling, desire, and passion...you want to convey it to the person with as much weight as possible.

We have become lazy in our language. In our ways in general. We take many shortcuts on things that we should take our time in doing. Expressing our feelings to one another is something that should take some time out of your day. Set aside 5 minutes for the ones you love to write them something, in long hand, to express yourself intimately. 5 minutes is a long time in terms of writing. You can get a lot of words and feelings into 5 minutes. Yet, it is such a short amount of time in the spectrum of life. If you do this, I promise you, that you will make the person on the receiving end feel so loved, and so happy, that you yourself will have nothing to do but smile.

Thomas Carlyle wrote: "A loving heart is the beginning of all knowledge.", and to me, it is the effort, the willpower, the energy, and the intelligence that we put into that love that makes it visible to the people we do love.

Bottom line...stop being a fucking idiot, and if you love someone, don't take a lazy ass shortcut to tell them so. Be it friend, husband, family member or your mailman. If you love someone, prove it.

With all my like,
Johnny

P.S. I loooooooove me some scotch!!

Rocky Balboa wasn't Mexican....and Black Porn can't be made with Asians...

Can you hear that?....listen closely...it's the sounds of the gloves coming off! It's time for some bare Knuckles!!

I just read something that blew my skirt up. Turned me into a Mary, and I screamed like a bitch. (no feminists, not like a female, like a pansy assed man) I'm talking
about...
THIS!!


AHHHH!!!! A chick sued the Lord of the Rings STUDIOS for RACISM!!

Okay, as a former actor, I take A LOT of beef with this! There is just so much wrong with that. I was turned down so many times for my weight, my height, my hair, my eyes, my teeth, my skin color, my....my....MYYYY!!!....because....*drum roll* I WASN'T RIGHT FOR THE FUCKING PART!!!

Look, Harry Potter wasn't Filipino. He was a white British kid, that lived in the space under some stairs. Rocky was Italian-American. White Guy, meat-headish, boxer type. We can't recast him with Oscar De La Hoya, BECAUSE HE'S NOT ITALIAN!!!

You get what I'm selling here folks? People are "sue happy" and, because the judicial system puts up with that bullshit, the studios, the producers, and directors are afraid to be sexist, racist, or whatever....

Look, I'm 5'10" tall. My acting career went in the toilet...so, say I decided to go to porn. I read in the Valley's rag-mags...."Seeking well hung black man, over 6 feet, to slang some thang!!". Then, I show up at the audition, and lose out to....YOU GUESSED IT!!! a mandingo black man that would wrap his cock around my throat and strangle me with it if he wanted!! Because, HE WAS RIGHT FOR THE PART!!! If you picked up a porno that said "THICK BLACK COCK!!" on the front, and you watched it, and it was the Asian dude from the Hangover in it...with a regular sized weenie...you'd want your money back!

Apparently this broad didn't read the books. She wants to be a light skinned fairy elf, with blonde hair. Yet, when she gets to the audition, and the CD tells her...."Ummm....you're not a light skinned fairy elf. You're actually....Indian looking.", she decides it time to call a lawyer.

Get fucked!! I didn't audition for Harry Potter, because I'm a 30 something, tall, a little chubby, Dego!!

Grow some fucking balls Warner Bros.!! You to Peter Jackson!! I would never walk into a hospital and say "I want to apply for the Brain Surgeon job!" and then sue them when they said..."Well, sir, you're actually not a brain surgeon, and to be honest, you're not actually that bright."

Okay, maybe I'd sue them for calling me dumb....but, the other part is correct.

This world is going to hell in a hand basket! I only had books, movies, porn and music to lull me into my pre-apocalypse coma...now...it seems...I need to prepare for horrible music (thanks Justin Bieber), Kindles, and a small pricked porn star.

I know this doesn't flow as well as some of my blogs, but it was more of a spur-of-the-moment rant, rather than a blog.

Know your role folks.

Hasta luego,
Johnny

You're your own pussy...

No, morons, I'm not talking about fucking your fist. I'm talking about being "Your own worst enemy."

Let me explain.

I get this a lot: "Wow, you've got a positive approach to nearly everything. You have a lot of bad shit going on in your life, yet you always seem to be happy. Is it a front?" No. Idiot. It's not. I'll tell you how I do it.

I go about life knowing that most people are stupid. Individuals can be intelligent, as I've stated, but as a whole the world is a negative, and horrible place. The news, never reports happiness, or "Everything was fine today in Burbank, California. Nothing happened, and everyone seems well fed and content with life." No, it's always about gunshots, death, murder, kidnapping, and such.

Commercials for Vegas never say "We have a great economy, and our water supply is not tainted with any chemicals. Life is good." No, it claims, "Come here, our hookers don't have STD's, infidelity is encouraged, and you can create a few new addictions with drugs, and gambling being rampant."

So, with so much negativity surrounding us at all points in society, compiled with your own demons, how is it possible to fight a war that will never be won.

Simple. You are your own vessel of happiness.

Jersey Shore is a television show full of uneducated morons, that have fame and (now) money. You can say "I wish I had that money/fame/attention." Or, you can do as I do, and paint a clown face on each of them and see it as a comedy.

People see all around them that Text Speak is dominating the way people write. Even if it's NOT 140 characters or less. I see it as, "This gives me the opportunity to prove that I'm more intelligent than Mr. I hv HEART 4U BAYBE!!" And, I laugh.

If you are looking at the world and thinking "Where is the happiness? I want to be happy!" You're looking to the WORLD to make you happy. It's not up to the world to create your happiness. No more than looking to a lottery ticket to make you "A Success". Creation is from within. You create happiness. You create fun. You create drive, ambition, passion, excitement....

If you can't find these things within, then how do you expect to recognize them, without?

Look, I get the whole "The world is a monster." thing. But, don't be a pussy. If you want to be strong, happy, or what-the-fuck-ever....grow a pair of bristly haired, bloody veined, heavy weighing balls, and stop being a puss. Otherwise, you will be perpetually in a cycle of "Oh, woe is me!"

Be the change you want to see.

Bitches.


Your guru in disguise,
Knuckles

I don't think I'm ever going to reach that perfect level of drunk....does that count as a pussy-assed complaint?

A fistful of fistfuckery....just for you...

The day has come, you're in the office, the hot guy that you've noticed checking you out once or twice has finally started approaching your desk, he has two cups of coffee in his hands. "Hey, I didn't know if you took yours with cream or sugar, so I brought both.". You giggle, and take the coffee, and talk about passing thoughts about office behavior, and then you get a text message; "Hey honey, I changed the oil in your car yesterday because it was running low, and put air in your tires, did you notice it running any smoother?" You ignore it for now, and go back to the hot guy standing in front of you.

RED FLAG!!!

Look ladies, I of all people know that there is plenty of sweater meat in society. Hell, while living in L.A., there were more hot chicks than my whiplashed neck allowed me to look at, but one thing we've lost touch is....the effort a person that truly loves you, makes.

And, sadly, manly men...have a harder time expressing such emotion to you, that you seem to bypass such actions as 'non-efforts' or rudimentary.

Example: (let's go back a few years) You're in high school, and there's a guy that has noticed you from afar for the last two years. He has asked your friends what your favorite music is, and what groups and songs you like from each. He then proceeds to make you a mix tape. In the music world, this guy would be known for doing R&D. Here, it's a crush.

You're talking to Captain McRoid, the quarterback from the football team. "Yeah, I took state last year, but I think if I'm going to go pro, I need to step my game up." "That's interest..." "Hey, excuse me, I have been waiting to find a time when you're alone, but you seem to be always surrounded by someone, so...I just wanted to give this to you, and say I made it for you." "Thanks." "So, McRoid...what were you saying?"

Yes, it's extreme...but, it leads to bad behavior....like....pushing a girl in high school for a dude, usually leads to a wife beater in the future. Lack of acknowledgment of overwhelming actions, can lead to the demise of effort on the others behalf, lack of interest from your side, and even worse....you not being able to ever be satisfied by anothers actions.

Your significant other changed your oil, because he wants you safe. He wants you to be able to come home to him nightly, to the comfort of his arms. He watches action movies and imagines protecting you like Jason Statham, or Sylvester Stallone, and so when he gets done watching those, he starts telling you about the only fight he's ever been in, because he wants you to feel that he's your heroine, and you're his princess. He jerks off to porn...as odd as this one sounds for you ladies, because he doesn't want to be like the multitude of men out in this world that cheat on their wives by anything that moves. He tugs one out, so that he's not tempted to leave the woman he loves, by his damn 'other brain' outweighing his heartfelt one.

We men....we are an odd bunch, I'll give you that...we do some dumb shit, and sometimes admit to it, but moreso than that...we do a lot of dumb shit in your name. We act macho, to get your attention, to be your Alpha...we download a song illegally off the internet, because we want to show you, "I'd go to jail for you.", and we do some off the wall shit...to try and prevent McRoid from garnishing your attention.

Which means more to you, the guy that opens the door, or the super hot guy on the other side that says "Damn, you look hot!"....words....words are easy....efforts, efforts are what set us aside from others.

So, ladies, the next time you're in a situation where a man does something for you (unless you paid him for it), think and rethink where this is coming from. Think about how much time and effort he put into it, and think about what kind of response he's looking for, because if you start pushing his efforts aside as simple 'tasks', then he'll find someone that will appreciate the effort he puts forth.

This also goes vice versa...girls going to action flicks with their man...going to Hooters to watch UFC...watching Sunday and Monday Night Football....men need to pay attention too.

Well, that summarizes that....and so, the next time your man talks of tugging one out...don't go to the chick thought, "Is he tired of having sex with me? Is he attracted to all those girls on the internet?" No, he wants to stay faithful to you...and, that's his way of showing you so.


Tuggingly yours,
Johnny

Stockholders of our lives...

Welcome back to my world folks. I am about 2 cups of coffee short of something profound today, but I am going to drop a steaming pile of love on your chest regardless.

Investments. Withdrawals. Interest. Value. Trading.

These are all words that I'm assuming you all have heard a million times over, when connecting them to the Stock Market.

Yet, we also find ourselves needing these same words in our daily relationships with friends, partners, loved ones in general.

I'll go in order so no one gets lost.

The first one is a key. We invest our time, money, emotions, passions, and dreams in others all the time. We take something that is of value to us, and we place it in the hands of another, to see if they water it to make it grow, stare at it like "What the fuck do you want me to do with this?", or just throw it away in general. We give these things to people to see what the person thinks of us. We invest all of ourselves into others in hopes that the person on the receiving end will help us grow into a better person.

Which brings me to the next point...withdrawals are made more than investments in today's society. We tend to ask for more than we want to give. When a friend needs help moving a couch, and they call on you, most people hesitate and flounder at the fact that they have to get out of their routine, to do some fruitless effort. Even if it's on the smallest scale of "Sure." Sure, is one of those noncommittal words I can't stand. "Do you want to come over and play the new Xbox game with me?" "Sure." As if to say, "You're not reaaally worth it, but I'll do it anyhow, because I have nothing better to do." Sure, Sorry, Thanks, -Welcome...all passive words that show lack of interest. "Thank you." "You're welcome." "I'm sorry." "YES!!" Those are words of someone that if they need to make a withdrawal from the Love Bank, that they want to hear from the other party. We need these withdrawals to see who truly cares in our time of need, versus, who truly could give two fucks about us.

Interest...one of my favorite parts. When you put money in your savings account, it begins to gain interest. Meaning, you have the original value of what you placed in there, and for you being such an intelligent investor, you now get 'free money' for being so wise. Such is also how we find our friends, family, and loved ones. We all have that friend that has been around soooo long, that if they call for anything, you jump out of your seat to be by their side. Why is that? Because the tiny investments that they've made over the years sat in your heart, and in your head and gained interest. The tiny day-to-day efforts that they've made on your behalf have sat with you so well, that an ordinary love, has become extraordinary. The more interest a relationship has, the more value you put on it. It's such a rare thing nowadays to see these kinds of relationships. People no longer see the interest growing, they just want to keep depositing, and keep depositing, and if you don't deposit....then, they think you're not investing. Sometimes it's not about the amount, it's about the quality of what you're gaining interest on. The interest is what creates the long lasting bond. The one that can't be broken, come rain or snow....which ties directly into the Value portion of what I was speaking about.

We place value upon EVERYTHING!! Possessions, friends, love, intelligence, phone service, food....you name it, we put a value on it. The image of the value in our heads, is always different than that of the person standing next to you. In other words...one man's trash, could be another man's treasure. Take love for instance. I have seen NUMEROUS relationships fall apart, because one half of the relationship didn't feel the other half was living up to their idea of "the perfect relationship". This is the other persons value of you. You could be the Crown Prince of Awesome to someone else, but to that person, you are dropping the ball. It could be in a department that they needed more value in, but you didn't have any more to invest. So, what ultimately happens, is you withdraw what you've already invested in that person, because you see you have no more value there, and you begin to look at other banks to deposit your goods in. We are all valuable. Each and every single one of us. From the crackhead junkie on the street, to the President of the United States. We all have value. It's just that, others around us are the ones that place that value upon us.

Which, brings me to my final term....Trading.

We all know what trading is from the time we're kids in kindergarten. My first experience with trading was, this other kid had this REALLY cool Swiss Army Knife...and all I had were 20 something G.I. Joe's that were in mint condition. (see where this is going yet?) Well, that shiny new something caught my eye so much, that I no longer saw the value in my G.I. Joe collection, and I knew I wanted that knife. So, we made the trade. He got my toys, and I got his knife. I played with the file, the scissors, , the magnifying glass and finally, the toothpick..."OH! This toothpick would make a cool sword for Snake Eyes!.....oh, wait...I don't have Snake Eyes anymore." And, then, it sat in. I had made the worst trade ever. I was so used to playing with my toys, that I no longer found them valuable, until I had traded them away to someone else, and then...it was too late.

As a society, we tend to trade all the time. This friend, for that friend. My time for your time. My story for your story. But, the trading that tears us apart is the trading of hearts. We lose value with each time we trade. Why? Because all the interest you gained with that person, is wiped away after you trade, and so you're left with your original worth. The problem is, we age...and our value is the same, but the time runs out. So, we desperately start scrambling to find a replacement bank to deposit our money in, and hope that the interest rate is higher here than it was before. But, then, there's no interest, and so we grab our original value out, and run around again...and again...and again....friends, t.v.'s, cell phone plans, we trade, trade, trade, because we are never content anymore. "I can find something of higher value, that is worth more, but will have a lower interest rate."

We are each our own stockholder. We know we're worth "something", but we don't know how much until someone tells us. The key, is to find someone that tells you how to grow, and puts so much interest in you, that the thought of trading scares THEM...as well as you....or even moreso...the thought of trading never crosses their mind.

So my friends, pay attention to your value, and try not to withdraw more than you invest. For, we are a fragile economy of souls, and moving our value around too much, ultimately leaves us with a loss of value of our original worth. And, no one deserves that. Not when you've invested so much.

But, as with all stock...sometimes you have to take risks, and gamble on what you think will get you the best outcome.

I personally...just want to get my money into a bank, and leave it there.

For some reason....I really want to go watch Wall Street all of a sudden.


And, with my nickel head, and million dollar heart, I bid you all farewell, until the next installment of a Fistful of Fuhgettaboutit...

-Johnny

Anti-Social Media....

Welcome to the topic that eats at my soul like Mel Gibson chews a phone line. Social-fucking-Media...in this case, Facebook. I've learned that there are a few good things about it, but more bad things than good.
What is Facebook you ask? It's a website that you go to, to see how much better or worse you're doing than your ex-girlfriend or high school buddy. It's a place where you can write "I NEED COFFEE!!" and 20 little Thumbs Up icons with the word "Like" will pop up underneath it 20 minutes later.

But, mostly, it's a place to reconnect with people that you intentionally lost contact with to begin with.

"JOHNNY!!! WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?!?!" - "Trying to fucking avoid you for the last 20 years....seems I'd make a horrible secret agent."

It boggles my mind that people I went to high school with (minus a select few) want to contact me, when I obviously didn't like them then, and I got the fuck out of my Podunk Town as fast as I could. Not one of these people searched for a number to call me at, or an address to write me for nearly 15 years. Yet, when "We're getting our graduating class back in contact!" is as easy as plugging in a name, and clicking "Send Friend Request" enters the world...then every knucklehead you ran from, all of a sudden wants to see your Photo Albums.

Oddly enough, that isn't the part that irks me the most. Nope, I can deal with Stupid better than most. My big gripe is Religion in Social Media.

Here you have people that you had too many differences with, that you left behind to find friends of similar likeness, posting their ideas, thoughts, and feelings on a daily (sometimes minutely) basis. The friend that befriended you on Facebook that goes to church every Sunday. The friend that came out of the closet in college. The friend that went to war in Iraq. The friend that...

Each went their own path, and created a new existence, a new pack of animals to run with, and a new family circle....but then.....it happens:

"May God bless me today, because I am about to cut the grass, and I want to do it to His liking!"

I know what you're thinking, "He's going to say 'What in the homemade fuck is that shit?!'!!", because I'm an Atheist, aren't you?

No, that isn't what bothers me, it's that, as I've said before...opinions are like assholes...everyone has one.

The part that pisses me off is that it creates a rift, when the opinionated person has to write "Keep that shit to yourself, I don't want your Bible Knockin' bullshit on my Facebook.", and then incites a riot of comments from the Church Going types, to everyone else, ultimately ending in someone being deleted.

I get it all the time. I'm an Atheist-Straight Man-that embraces Gay people and their right to get married-Ethnic Equality-and drinks scotch like it's going to put out a fire, and smokes cigars like they're made of pussy....and so you can imagine the types of comments I get from my posts. Not to mention, I was born without a verbal regulator.

I let my friends be who they are. Muslim, Christian, Baptist, Catholic...Gay, Straight, Little, Fat, Pothead....whatever....it's their life...just don't infringe on others. You see, we weren't MEANT to be friends with hundreds, or thousands of people. We are a PACK animal. Apes, don't have thousands of other apes around them. (mostly because we're a virus on this planet, and we're killing off apes, whales, dolphins...until there are only hundreds of them in existence...look it up). Why? Because that many people in your life isn't necessary. Not only that, but you can't possibly divide your pea brain between that many people. So, it is a place to attack others, as well as befriend them. It's a place to "compare lives", and a place to feel inadequate, or superior. We all have the friend that posts his/her pictures from their travels from around the world in excess. Why? "Because I'm better than you."...that's why.

Granted, you can occasionally find someone (rarely) on Facebook that you normally wouldn't have known without it, that you have similar interests, and you now consider a friend. But, who needs 'em?

Look folks...we're all different...every single one of us. In all my relationships, I celebrated my differences as well as my similarities. You need to keep that spice in your life, but at the same time, we don't need to reconnect with every asshole that we left in our past. That is not living in the present, nor the future. That is trying to hold on to your youth. Something that ticks away with every click of the clock.

Find (in the real world) a select group of friends. Friends that you can talk to for hours on end. Friends that are 75% or above similar to you. Friends you can actually go have a beer with (at a bar, with people....that you can touch), and converse with about whatever your heart desires. Find someone you love the same way.

But, this garbage website is destroying the reality of friendship. It's making people more pretentious, more egomaniacal, and more bandwagony.

I'm going to go have a beer...and check my Mafia Wars...I think I just got an Energy Pack....

Get Fucked Facebook,
Johnny

The Death of an Artform

Hello dear blog, how I've missed you. And, hello readers, I'm sorry for not posting anything in the last few months. Life has been truly chaotic to say the least.

Yet, excuses aside, there is a raging fire burning inside that must come out in the form of words for your eyes to be scorched by.

This fire is from anger, from sadness, from passion and from ambitions that have fallen by the wayside.

The death of the artist world.

After watching the movie BRIGHT STAR, and reliving the life of John Keats, it came to my attention, that we no longer care about art. Not poetry, not paintings, not sculpture, and definitely not acting.

When Transformers can sell billions of dollars, and Bright Star falls flat, you really have to think about our society, and how it perceives art in our age.

Bright Star is the story of John Keats, one of the most brilliant Romantic Poets of all time. He was poor, homeless at times, and fell in love with a well-to-do woman that returned that love for him, but she was scorned by society, by friends and family alike for loving a man, wholeheartedly and passionately, that could not better her life in any way. The movie is so well acted, the story they chose was so well written, and the dialogue is amazing. So, we have art in it's purest form, twofold in this film. The story of John Keats and his poetry, and the film itself. Neither of which, I assume anyone knew about until now.

Now, I understand we have the Daniel Day Lewis' of the acting world that still consider acting an art form and he makes his movies, and then retires to his life of cobbling shoes. That is a man that gets that he has a gift and wants to share it with the world, but wants to feel 'normal' and human when he's not creating a film. But, as a whole, we put more attention into what Lindsay Lohan is doing, rather than checking our local museum to see what art pieces are passing through there.

We have stopped reading books, and we've stopped appreciating the writers themselves. Unless we actively hear about some book being amazing (Harry Potter, The Secret, The Da Vinci Code, etc.) we will not peruse our bookstore looking for what's new and exciting, and then when you do find a friend that does do so, we look at them with amazement, like they're some kind of freak.

It used to be hard to make a living as an artist (still is), but at least the artist was respected. The actor on a stage, the writer that wrote the play, the clothing designer that created the clothes, the artist who painted the backdrop.

We don't care about any of that anymore. It saddens me, and pisses me off at the same time. Art used to be known as "Culturing yourself.". Creating a part of a culture that embraced the artistic value, and the people themselves that were born with a gift.

Now, an actor with a true talent moves to Hollywood (not to be famous, but to act), and gets shoved aside by a Reality Star that's willing to eat dog shit for 15 minutes of fame on a television show that took up a slot where a scripted show should have been.

No, we don't care. We don't care that a man can create music with a piano that touches the soul in a way only likened to a woman softly touching your face. Because it doesn't have Lil Wayne or T Pain in it.

We are a world of commercials. Our attention span is 15 seconds or less. We care more about Ed Hardy than we do Ed Harper.

What happened to the world that used to look up to Broadway as a Masterpiece of art, and saw it as a ritzy and glamorous showcase? What happened to music that was created with instruments, and a voice, and not with a computer? What happened to the writer that used to write books....and not have to write blogs.....What happened to the actor, that used to be able to at least find enough work to survive on, rather than being bombarded with one million people wanting fame and fortune?

What happened to us people? We are on a downward spiral that is destined for nothing good.

Pablo Picasso said: Every child is an artist. The problem is how to remain an artist once we grow up.

I think the bigger issue is, how to we start caring again?

(i fear, that even this blog will be too long for most people to make it through the whole thing)

Let's take back our world. Let's give ourselves class and sophistication again. Let's support those that bring true value to our world, for each artist paints a landscape with his own talent, and it's up to us to find an outlet that can be appreciated by more than just ourselves.

The world would be a much better place, if we would cherish, and hold close, those things that truly have substance, and stop looking for the 'quick fix'.

Appreciatively yours,
Johnny

Abraca-motherfuckin-dabra....

...Hello ladies and gentlemen, it's been a bit since I've updated this corner of cyberspace with anything of weight. But, today, I shall plant a seed that is sure to grow into quite an oak.

It seems, that no matter where I go (i.e. the country, the city, east coast, left coast) I hear the same people saying the same things, just with different connotations.

"I wish _____ !"

Where we came across this subject, I'd like to know, because it falls right into the same category as 'prayer' to me.

Let me give you some food for thought.

"I wish I would get more auditions." says the out of work actor living in L.A.

"I wish I could win the lottery." says the hillbilly bumpkin buying a scratcher ticket.

"I wish my boobs were perkier." says the mid-30's lady looking in the mirror before a night out with the girls.

All across this land we hear similar things, but it's the minor ones that truly irk me. "I wish I had a beer right now." Mostly because, if by some freak of nature, you were granted one wish...at the most random of times, and you pissed it away on some idiotic "want" instead of a "need". We've become a planet of wants, and those wants have come to be known as wishes.

We are never happy with what we have, and therefore always want something that we don't have. Bigger boobs/wiener, cooler car, more money, nicer clothes, bigger house...

You get the point. We're forever 'wishing' for things that are so minuscule in comparison to things that, if it were granted, we'd truly WANT to wish for. "I wish I was super intelligent." "I wish all this war would go away and everyone could just get along." "I wish cancer would just disappear."

I personally recognize all these thoughts as the same ones that I was told to "pray" for by my grandmother at my bedside when I used to go stay with her. She would tell me to pray for the well being of others, and for my prayers to not be centered around me, or they would not come true.

Come true?...

So, God is some sort of Genie that grants wishes?

But, why put all these things in someone elses plate? Why not take these burdens upon yourself? "God, please give Josh a better day tomorrow. He's been having a hard time at work, and needs something to go his way." How about, instead of "Wishing" or "Praying"...whatever the fuck you want to call it...you say to yourself "I'm going to take it upon myself to make sure Josh has a better day tomorrow. I'll find something to cheer him up, and turn his mood around." This takes the middleman out of the equation, and therefore makes you feel more in control.

Because, let's face it, when was the last time you prayed/wished for something and it came true without some effort on your part? People have been praying for thousands of years for cancer and sickness to go away...guess what motherfuckers?...it's still here...and more rampant than ever. Some things are just out of our reach as humans.

But, that doesn't stop us from wishing for idiotic shit. We just can't grasp the "appreciation" of things anymore.

We no longer want what's good for others, just what's good for ourselves. And, to an extent of WISHING for these things. We, as intelligent beings, the top of the motherfucking food chain...WISH for things...as if we're going to be rubbing a beer bottle and a drunken genie is going to pop right the fuck out of the top and say "You *hiccup* rang asshole?"

No, that doesn't happen, because if it did, my life would be much different than it is right now. For that, YOUR life would be different right now, because I guarantee anything that I'd wish for would directly impact the world, and not just myself.

As shallow a people as we are now, I cannot see many others wishing for your benefit. Most, if you give them forewarning, would wish for something that would make them cooler, more prestigious or something to benefit them and their well being. To make them feel 'better' than you.

Imagine, you're the one man or woman on the planet that you're granted one wish and all of society finds out that your wish was for tickets to the World Series. You would be the laughing stock of the planet. Oh, you'd be famous alright, but you'd be famous for being a fucking idiot.

In my eyes, wishing and praying is taking the 'doing' out of my own hands and taking the power away from me and putting it into nothingness.

You want love? Don't wish for it, find a way to make it work. Maybe it's something to do with your personality. Are you scaring love away? Well, God isn't going to help you not be an asshole. Change it yourself.

You want more money? Wishing that Ali Baba and his 40 Thieves come banging on your door isn't going to help you, working harder and being more dedicated to your cause will make it happen.

Which, in turn, would change the "I wish I had another beer." into a more solid reality as well.

Stop wishing people. Start doing. You'll be more confident. You'll feel empowered, and you'll come out a better person.

For now, I will bid you ado, and retreat back into this insanity we call society. May my words, be your sanctuary from it all, and....

I wish common sense, was more common...

- Knuckles.

Puff Puff, Sip Sip...

I shall begin this journey of excellence with a remembrance of the good old days. When men were men, and smoked cigars, wore a suit every day, and drank whiskey with only an ice cube or two in it to bring out the woody notes.

This was a simpler time. A time where businesses would allow people to smoke inside, and airplanes didn't make fat people buy an extra seat in fear of making the person next to them feel uncomfortable.

Now, the people that smoke, bitch about their rights being taken away, but they don't stand up for themselves. The candy assed few that do bitch to the government hold all the cards, because they're being assertive. The same group of people that try and ban Harry Potter from schools, make said fat people buy that extra seat, prohibit so much that everyone feels infringed upon, but still just complain and do nothing to take back their rights.

Time and time again I see on Facebook, "I was jogging today, and ran past a smoker and was disgusted." "I came out of the restaurant and there were a group of smokers out there, how pathetic. I complained to the management." But, half the time these sentences are spelled wrong, or written by morons, or a person of size (politically correct for calling someone fat) So, you want to take THEIR right to smoke anywhere away from them, but if you're fat, and someone were to force you to buy an extra seat on a plane, you'd take that as a slap to the face! Which, you taking the cigarette from their mouth, is no different that the flight crew taking the Krispy Kreme Doughnut from your mouth and the airline calling you a fatty.

I mean, for fuck's sake, if I wanted to, I could say that anyone that was ugly should be forced to stay indoors until the sun goes down. Or idiots that can't spell shouldn't be allowed to use the internet. How about...fucktards that are completely stupid have to have a tattoo on their forehead that says "IDIOT" so that you know EXACTLY what you're getting into when you approach a conversation with them? Is that going to far? Am I stepping on your toes?

Times were simpler when you had to fly and said "I had to sit next to a fat guy the whole flight." But, guess what, your life went on, and you were none the lesser of a person. It didn't fuck up your "End Game" of life, and those tiny wisps of smoke do nothing more than pass in the wind.

If it's SOOOO harmful, explain why our grandparents and great grandparents were built so rugged, and lived into their 90's, and we'll be dying off in our 70's? Because we're not strong anymore, that's why.

Cigars, Scotch, Whiskey, Cursing, Martinis, Love, Fucking, and LIVING are the staples of my life.

People that scream "Smoke is harmful, and I will not stand for my children breathing it in!"

Well, guess what pussy? Fires have smoke too. You going to sue the forest for each time we have a fire in L.A. and your kid is breathing in that smoke? How about when you take your little candy-ass-in-the-making camping? Huh? You going to sue the campfire when he breathes that in? How about the house that's on fire down the street?......you get the point.

It's ALL OF OUR PLANET!! The stinky fucker at Ralph's that smells like armpit isn't pleasant to stand behind, but I'm not going to have him kicked out of the store. If you're too skinny to carry me out of the plane if it were to crash, I'm not going to tell the pilot..."I'm not too comfortable with Olive Oil over there being next to the emergency exit."

Our grandparents went through a great depression, 2 huge wars, and still drank and smoked to their hearts content. Their quality of life was BETTER, because they loved their cigarette/cigar. They loved their booze. They wore suits while standing in a soup line to get something to eat, and smoked a cigarette while waiting.

We bitch, complain, and whine and moan...that's it...nothing more.

Fucking hell...they even had "No Cussing Week" in L.A.!!! GET FUCKED!!!! Freedom of Speech? Heard of it? [WEBSITE]: http://www.nocussing.com/

So, be a man, be a strong man. Drink your scotch. Smoke your cigar. STAND UP AGAINST THOSE THAT SAY YOU CAN'T!!!

After all of that....I need a fucking drink.

One love,
Johnny

A Lesson in History: How the Cell Phone killed Love...

Now, I'm not talking about how radio waves are emitted and fried the love portion of your brain. I'm here to discuss the downward trickle of what has become the demise of something that was once so precious to each of us that we would search the world to find it: Love.

I'll get right to it, before I give my normal examples. You see, the cell phone itself has not put the kibosh on love, but the portable-ness of a direct link to hundreds of others have. (if not thousands now)

There's a saying that I've heard for years that seems to have just reared it's ugly head, "A relationship is only as good as your options." Which, ties right in to where I'm about to go.

The invention of the cell phone was a miraculous thing. You could be ANYWHERE and if you had to bring home milk to your wife, you were just a call away. In a car accident and need an ambulance? 911 at your fingertips. Need to pick the kids up from school, but you're running late? Call the husband and ask if he can do it.

But then...it happened...men and women alike realized that with this DIRECT line to themselves that they no longer had to worry about a mistress or a boytoy calling the home and having the spouse answer the line. No. Now there was a direct communication to you that only you answered. Then, the addition of the 'mute' or 'silent' buttons added to it when the significant other would ask "Who's calling you?" or the "Are you going to get that?" Now there was a way to completely go incognito with your lies.

Here's where I tell you that we're all noncommittal, and we're all hidden cheaters to an extent. But, that's just not true. Some of the world got out all of their wildness back in college or during their single years to make themselves more marry-able when the time came. Here, we have an example of people that probably didn't let loose, and are now 'bored' with their lives and wish to spice it up. Something NEW, something WILD, something FRESH!! When in all actuality, it's, something DIFFERENT...that's all. So, now you can have that girl you met at the coffee house call you, Bonnie from the office that is also in a rut in her marriage, and a whole slew of other women, and your wife will be none the wiser.

Keep in mind, at this point, this is just a select few people.

Then, came texting. The next step of 'automatic acknowledgment' without having to speak a word out loud. Complete conversations between two people that was silent, short for the ticking sound of the buttons on the phone. "Oh, it's Ted from the office honey. He's just asking if we're playing golf this weekend. Let me write him back really fast." - - - "UR SO HOT BONNIE, I CAN'T W8 2 C U SATURDAY!" - - "Okay love muffin, what were you saying?"

This increased the level of secret callers by double. And, if you go back and reference what I said about "options"... If you have your wife sitting in front of you, and you have 20 women texting and calling you that are...not so much 'hotter'...than your wife, but they may have something she's lacking...wife has big boobs, Bonnie has small boobs...wife is calm in bed...Bonnie sends dirty texts. So, not "better", just "different".

Finally, came Myspace, Facebook, and Twitter. The conversation killers. The serial murderers that kill and maim anything and all things in their wake.

And, they're right there at your fingertips.

A husband has no problems that his wife's ex-flame Bobby from highschool looked her up on Facebook. "It's good to see how far we've all come."

Until Bobby starts sending your wife messages saying "Damn! You're still as sexy and hot as you were back in high school." The same goes for her coworkers, her college friends, and little Timmy that played with her in the sandbox at 3 years old.

Now, you catch your wife trying to take the 'prettiest' picture she can to be her Facebook profile picture. When asked why, "I'm not allowed to look pretty in my pictures?"

It is at this point that 100's of gentleman/lady callers have become thousands. Old flames, friends of friends, and an unlimited amount of people ogling your pictures.

Which, brings me to my conclusions.

If you fell in love with your significant other for more than 80% of your qualifications for "A long lasting love.", that 20% now feels like 200% with all these other men/women in your ear. Their flaws are heightened by the strengths of others. The problem is, everyone...and I mean EVERYONE has flaws. People that are allowed to type and edit their compliments will make you feel like a king or queen, until they get what they want. So, when you're at dinner with your partner, and you get 20 direct messages from Facebook, 10 Wall Posts, 5 comments on Myspace, 2 text messages from guys from work, and 1 call that you have to send to voicemail....how much of your attention is spent on your husband, and how great that 80% is?

It's not that I'm cynical. I'm not, but I calls'em as I sees'em. Our great grandparents had maybe 3 good friends each. The wife would gossip at the hair salon, the husband met the 'guys' down at the bar. The amount of people you remained in contact with was small enough to not allow doubt in your partner. Occasionally you'd hear that a friend from highschool got married or had a baby through the grapevine. But, all in all, a dinner with your husband was just that...a dinner with your husband.

In a world that love and relationships have become "Only as good as your options.", and being cool on a social networking site takes precedent over a long lasting relationship, just because now you "have so many options"...isn't it time to reevaluate our direction?

It's true. If you have 2,000 people in your ear, no 1 person will look like a Knight in Shining Armour. But, I don't have the attention for 2,000 people. That would spread me too thin. I like being a man of substance.

I don't go to a bar and think for 20 minutes about which mixed drink I want, because there's "so many options". "Scotch, rocks, 3 fingers."

Give me the simple life. Give me a world of love, respect, kindness and crassness.

Give me a shot of Jack, because after this...

I fucking need it.

Cheers folks, I need to post this on my Facebook so you can all read it and admire my intellect.

HA!

-Johnny

Frank was first...

...then came me.


So, I wrote this poem....

Alright, I know I'm a huge geek for being so obsessed with Sinatra...but, I guess there is worse things to be obsessed with. Anyhow, I wrote this poem awhile back....well, couple of years I guess....so, I'd like to share this with the few friends that I have that do actually read my blogs, because I kind of feel it works on the level of myself and whom I wrote it for:

Ode to Frank
by Johnny Mangano

With a clink of the ice,
With a splash of the whisky,
A man with a Fedora,
Whom is as calm as he is frisky.

"I like to drink it not skate on it."
He says to the barkeep,
Noticing his glass is filled to the brim,
With more than an ice heap.

"Cent'anni!" come the salud,
With reverence and feeling,
Having every eye on him,
With a presence that's stealing.

The trust, the honesty,
A feeling so grand,
That a man can hold your attention,
In the palm of his hand.

Respect and appreciation is all this man asks,
For all he has given,
For all of his tasks.
So here is the respect you so much deserve,
I'll say it with clarity,
My words cannot swerve.

A man is a legend....
And we all must thank,
The Chairman of the Board,
"We all miss you Frank!"

The plains before the mountain.....

...so, today I have decided to write more about a - lesson in life - than a rant on how idiotic most people are in it.

I learned a long time ago that we humans are always 'waiting' for something. Success, a trip, a holiday, marriage, love...what have you. We are perpetually waiting for something. Which, in turn, makes us keep our thoughts on something that we haven't attained yet, and not on the things that surround us. This causes many problems. If you're waiting on success, and haven't achieved what you consider success, (you may never achieve it), then you are not currently happy with your situation. You look to that success as "The moment I'll be happy.". It could be a raise at work, a promotion, a dream job, or finding yourself a sugar momma/daddy. But, success is relative, and therefore should be thought about as such.

The same goes for love/marriage. "I wish I could find someone to be my half." Well, you probably will, but you will be more likely to find that person if you shake that thought from your head and concentrate on what you have...versus your have-nots. Do you have friends that love you? Do you have family that loves you? Well, realize that love exists around you, and eat it up...make the best you that there is to make...and then realize that during that creation, Mr. or Ms. Right may very well stroll into your life.

Imagine if you will, you're walking down a sidewalk. You put one foot in front of the other, and you're heading to a deli about 3 blocks down. You have an end goal, and you're in motion and in progress. Yet, if you decide to concentrate ONLY on the deli, you're going to forget to walk, want to skip steps, jump curbs, or whatever, and completely forget about walking. The problem with this is, if you jump, skip, run or whatever other idea you have, you have the possibility of falling and hurting yourself. Losing time, energy, and focus.

It's best to walk. Look around, enjoy the buildings, the air, the world around you, because then when you get to that deli, that pastrami sandwich will taste that much better.

Here's the deal people. Life has a handful of BIG adventures that we put too much weight in. But, it's FULL of small adventures that define our true happiness, and whom we truly turn out to be in the end. Yes, the mountains are fun to look forward to, but they are not the major part of our life. The plains are. And, if you're in a plain now, enjoy it, because you'll need plenty of energy and determination to climb that mountain once you get to it.

Because, even sometimes, when you glorify something, once you get it, it doesn't turn out to be exactly as you had imagined it, and it'll let you down, and THEN you start to look at another mountain. "Maybe THAT is my ideal mountain?!"

Yet, there's a whole world between you and that next adventure.

If you ask me, any day that has a cigar, martini, or a scotch in it is perfection. I have many tiny mountains in my life, (you may call them hills), but I am happy from day-to-day because I'm not constantly looking for that NEXT BIG MOUNTAIN. I find contentment in my little adventure I call life...because...in a final thought.

"It's not about the destination, it's about the journey."

Enjoy what you have people.

Not what you have not.

Because if you concentrate on the 'have not'....it'll only get bigger...because what you 'have' will slowly slip away.

Inspiringly Yours,
Johnny

I paint my pictures with fuck....

...and shit...and motherfucker...

Hello Universe, it's me, Asshole. I'm here to tell you a story about weak people that are either afraid to offend, or wanting to 'feel' powerful and try to change others.

This includes, but is not limited to, the people that use the words effin, darn, shoot, and heck. No adult should, (unless there are respectable people about in a social environment, and/or children about), ever be heard uttering these words.

"Why?" you may ask? Well, I'll tell you why.

For 2 reasons really. These words still imply their more ferocious cousin is the real word for the situation. "That movie was effin amazing!!" 1) Everyone knows what word you are replacing, and are now translating said word in their head to the word "Fuck." and are now THINKING you said "That movie was FUCKING amazing!" and therefore you should have used the REAL word in the first place and 2) Explicit words are there for a reason, and should be used to....wait for it...

TO PAINT AN INCREDIBLE FUCKING PICTURE!!!

You see, I am a gentleman, but I am also a full grown man, and well capable of using the English Vocabulary as I see fit. I restrain from profanity around children, and social situations where it does not deem fit. BUT!, I am a full blown believer in using as colorful words as possible, as often as possible to paint the most vibrant sentence I can when the time calls for it.

This brings me back to the pussies I spoke of earlier. "Don't use foul language. It's a sin. God would look down on that."

Welllllll....asshole....first things first...GOD doesn't exist, and therefore I don't fear your imaginary friend that thinks I'm a "Bad Boy". Second, nowhere in the Bible does it state that any person cannot use profane language. Mostly, guess what, because if God created language, he also created the bad words, and not using something that God created...would probably piss him off, but even more so, that the BIBLE WASN'T WRITTEN IN ENGLISH!!! It was translated into English through years upon years of translating it from other languages.

So, me saying "FUCK YOU!!!" isn't a strike against your God, because our language wasn't even around when that Bible was written. Jesus himself could stand in front of me, with his dark skin and his Jewfro and I could yell "LET'S GET FUCKED UP MOTHERFUCKER!!!" and he would stare at me blankly, because HE DIDN'T SPEAK ENGLISH!!! So, you Bible Knocky fucktards....leave me alone.

To cap it all off, I'm just going to say that we as adults (as I've stated on numerous occasions) are an immature lot. Our grandparents cursed like sailors, and drank like fish. Yet, our pussified, immature society has taken a turn for the weak, and lame. "I don't want to offend anyone on Facebook." Well, fucko, if you're a person that curses on a daily basis, and you stop doing so to Update Your Status, then you're a putz. You shouldn't have people on that thing that don't love you for your personality (vocabulary included), and therefore you should start clicking REMOVE FRIEND quite often. And for all of you adults that are using "OMG!!" and "LMFAO" and to the lamer extent...."LMDAO" (oh yeah, for the ones that are even too big of a puss to put an F in there for FUCKING!)...Grow up. You're in your 30's and no one is going to mistake you for a 16 year old because you are using TEXT LINGO on Facebook. If you have a full QWERTY keyboard in front of you, and you are using idiotic abbreviations, then you are too damn stupid to be on the internet to begin with.

Bring back the strong men from World War II that would exclaim "Honey, I need a fucking beer." when they would return home from a long day at work. The same men that told you those were "Grownup words, and you can't use them until you're an adult." and you would sneak a "DAMN!" in with your friends, when you knew no adult was around to hear you. Trying them on for size. Until you were old enough for that first scotch/beer with your pops and he told you that you could use these words freely. At first you overuse them, but then you slide into a groove. You know what words belong where, and you know that with overuse you sound vulgar, but with the proper use you sound strong willed, confident, and rebellious.

I'll be damned if a CEO of a company came up to me and said "OH EM GEE!!(omg) I just saw this HAWT honey in the bathroom. BEE ARE BEE!!! (brb)" I would kill myself right then and there as I thought to myself "This company is going in the toilet."

Look people, if the world of vocabulary were a painting, why would you only use primary colors? Weren't we all jealous of the kid in class with the HUGE box of Crayola's that had all the 'inbetween' colors? Ours were the basics, and we all knew that "Sky Blue" was much cooler than "Blue".

So, be confident, be free....when you're pissed....yell "FUCK!!!!" and you'll feel much better than yelling "EFF!!!!!" Moron.

In summation, I say that men and women go back to basics on a lot of things. Let's take back our language, and destroy this new one that children are using, (and some adults that are afraid to grow up). Grow a backbone, and don't be so afraid to step on toes. Because, take my word for it, the only people's toes that you're stepping on, are weak minded, childish, and insignificant people that should have thicker skin.

Simon Pegg said it best in Sean of the Dead:

"GET FUCKED FOUR EYES!!!"

Indeed Sean....get fucked indeed.

-Knuckles Fucking Mangano

[UPDATE] This is courtesy of iampaddy.com It really hits on the subject of idiocy, and belongs in MANY of my blogs, but it will be here, as reference, or as a laughing...pointing...finger when you need it:

(direct link: http://iampaddy.com/spell/)

My ship...

I am the Captain of my own ship. In this ship I carry all of those people that are within my Life. My family, my friends, casual acquaintances and those in between. Some are above deck, some are below. Some help paddle my boat, and others are trying to drill holes in the bottom without me knowing. On occasion I am the only one paddling, but on occasion I thoughtlessly hand someone a drill. The problem with this, is the holes that sink my boat aren't easily patched, and that this now leaky ship is slowly sinking and I'm carrying all those I care about with me. So, being that I don't want to bring them down with me, I patch, and I patch, and I patch. The problem with all of this patching is that I don't have time to paddle anymore. So, here I sit, adrift at sea, patching holes in a ship that I call my own. I will figure out how to get these holes all patched. I will stop giving the power to drill those holes to those that are drilling them. And, most of all, I will stop drilling some of those holes myself. I will find only those that want to paddle. I will find those that are willing to help raise my sails, and I will progress, and eventually find land. Until then, I am gathering up drills, I have a bag full of patches and I am a determined man.

There are positions to be held on my ship that still remain open. I need people to help me patch, and people to help me paddle. I need people to help me steer, and people to help me navigate. I don't want to guide my ship through this endless sea alone, and I hope....and I pray....that I find a crew willing to go this distance with me.

-Johnny

P.S. Also, if someone could point me in the direction of Mermaid Island....thanks.

It's a Writer's Life for me....

...You know, I'm going to take a few paragraphs for myself today. It's a bit of a rule with myself that I avoid speaking about my personal life, or about things that are only related to me, and not to the world at large, but I'm going to touch for a moment on something that I find to be a passion of mine.

Writing.

As a photographer clicks the shutter, a pianist tinkles the ebony and ivory keys, and as a painter swipes each brush stroke, their art comes to life. It breathes, it hums with energy, and it creates a burning desire to do more and more, and that same feeling comes across with writers. With each word that is typed, written or thought, a symphony begins to play inside our heads that makes us want to put what's rattling around in our coconut out in the world for all to read.

Sadly, everyone feels that they are adept at writing now. Just like everyone with a cell phone camera feels like they are a photographer, or everyone with autotune feels they can write a hit song. The blogoshpere is flooded with mundane, illegible bullshit that can only be described as drivel.

Morons write about their cat. Whiners write about who has wronged them in life, and why they aren't pushing further and beyond. Idiots (the majority) write about everything that just means nothing.

I personally feel that a world in which "status updates" and "tweets" limits your intelligence to 140 characters or less, is a world that is killing the idea of writing.

Most people I know don't read books, because it takes too long to get into, it's so boring, or they "don't have the attention span right now". I personally believe it's because of the time commitment. A movie is 2 hours long. The story begins, and ends within that two hours. No long term commitment.

Yet, we writers continue to write. Our books barely get published, our scripts barely read, and our blogs have little traffic if they go over 2 paragraphs. I can practically hear the grumble and groan that comes from friends when they see my blog. "Ohhhhhh....I don't have time for this right now."

Is a painter a painter if no one sees his artwork?

Is a pianist a pianist if no one hears him play?

Sometimes I wonder, "Am I truly a writer, if no one reads my work?"

Intelligence is something we writers pride ourselves on. We can punctuate properly. We can spell words that barely anyone knows exist. We string together sentences that feel like poetry, when all it is, is the news.

Yet, in a world that is constantly on a downward slide down the Intelligence Ramp, we writers are the first to die.

A city in Texas now has no bookstore. I read this, and it nearly broke my heart. The necessity of books depleted to a point that the last bookstore went bankrupt.

But, sadly, as masochistic as it is...we writers keep writing. I have two novels in production as we speak, and with the dying breed of the paperback...I fear they will never be published.

Yet I keep writing.

I stay passionate. I stay strong. I stay fierce.

I am a writer.

Because I write.

-Johnny

You're the yin to my wang....

...Okay, okay, so I know it's the Yin to my Yang. But, this is where I give you the meat of my rant for today. Honestly, today is not so much a rant, as it is a subtle nudge in the ribs of women everywhere to shake them to their senses, and let them realize a good thing when they have it. The following paragraphs will intrigue women and men alike, and will anger those that it hits too close to home for, and inspire those with a little bit of common sense. Let the pissing off......begin:

For the last few years I've witnessed the most amazing vastness of emotions. The full color of the rainbow. My friends are a great group that share with me their pains, sorrows, and emotional roller coasters, and so that helps with my insight. I believe it is because we are at a transitional age. The 30's now are the new 20's which is true. We age slower, and fuckin' hell do we act more immature than our parents did at 30. And, so, where our parents were trying to find life partners at 20, we're trying to find that "certain someone" in our 30's. That someone we can talk to for hours. To hold our hand when we feel alone, and to talk about our favorite book or movie when there's no one else around. As stated, the Yin to our Yang: Definition of Yin-Yang: This Symbol(Yin-Yang) represents the ancient Chinese understanding of how things work. The outer circle represents "everything", while the black and white shapes within the circle represent the interaction of two energies, called "yin" (black) and "yang" (white), which cause everything to happen. They are not completely black or white, just as things in life are not completely black or white, and they cannot exist without each other.

While "yin" would be dark, passive, downward, cold, contracting, and weak, "yang" would be bright, active, upward, hot, expanding, and strong. The shape of the yin and yang sections of the symbol, actually gives you a sense of the continual movement of these two energies, yin to yang and yang to yin, causing everything to happen: just as things expand and contract, and temperature changes from hot to cold. We search the world to find someone that compliments us in areas we are weak in, and we do our best to keep that person, and here comes the shitty part...

I've noticed an overwhelming amount of women that no longer appreciate the amount of effort guys give to show their love. For example: I just spoke with a friend that said; "It's like this man, the day that Sex and the City the movie came out, I went and bought it for her, and then went to buy a bottle of wine for BOTH OF US to drink while we watched it. I don't mind making those kinds of efforts, but not once, EVER has she picked up a Bruce Lee movie, or Die Hard and grabbed a six pack and brought it home to surprise me. It just sucks."

See, women here is where you fuck up. You love the attention. You bathe in the attention. From the time we're dating, into marriage, and until inevitably, there's a bump in the road, and then you start saying..."You don't take me to -fill in the blank- restaurant- anymore." "You don't write me poems anymore." "You don't rub my feet anymore." Well, guess what, we didn't just DECIDE to stop doing these things, and here's where I explain the Good Guy Mentality.

We know you women like talking to your girlfriends about what we do for you. "He cooked me my favorite salmon dish last night, and he got my favorite movie, and he bought a bottle of wine, and it was SO romantic!", because, without a doubt, you like hearing "Ohhh...I wish my man would do things like that for me!"
You see, the Good Guy Mentality is simple. We're in a competition. Not with you, but with OTHER MEN!! We want to be better in bed than any man you've been with. We want to be more romantic than "Steve" or "Bob" and therefore we're CONSTANTLY thinking of new and exciting ways to impress you. This is our way of showing you how much we care/love you. Then.....after years of being the good guy....

It becomes routine. We're on autopilot, and you're used to us cooking you magnificent dinners. Asking YOU what movie you want to watch at the theater, what restaurant you want to go to, and asking what YOU want to do this weekend. Reciprocation comes far and far less, because, let's face it we're always the ones chasing you women, and rarely do you chase us.

With all this in mind, we start realizing that 90% of the game being played is YOUR game, and 10% is ours. So, the special things we do for you, become less special. They're mundane, and almost annoying, and then by the time you've figured out that we're doing them less and less, it's almost a resentment towards you for not being the YIN!!! to our Yang.

Don't get me wrong ladies, we men LOVE to spoil you. (if we love you that is, if we don't care, that's usually when you get flowers and candy...that's how you know...cooked dinner...he likes you...restaurant...you're not worth the effort...flowers...you're worth fucking...poem...you inspire him) But, without you spoiling him to a narrowly equal extent, you will unintentionally start killing even the most passionate of loves.

Money, Power, Fame....they all come and go...Love...love can be eternal. Have you ever met a man or a woman (probably not our parents age or younger, being that love is a dying emotion), but have you met someone that had their spouse pass away and still wear their wedding ring, and you ask them why and their reply is simply "Because, _____ is my wife/husband, and my soulmate and I will never love another the way I loved them."

Balance.

If you like telling your girlfriends about how amazing your man is, you had better plan on being pretty amazing for your man as well. Otherwise, he'll just complain about you to his friends, and that will not end well. When resentment exists, sex lives crumble, anger is on the brim at all times (even when it shouldn't be present) and nothing seems to shine as much as when TWO people continue to prove their love for one another.

Newton's Law of Motion states that any action has an equal and opposite reaction. And, to me, if you want a relationship to move forward, you have to keep paddling the boat. Because if just one person paddles...you finish just going in circles.

My advice: Never receive, without making a mental note to give. It doesn't have to be of any more value than 'heartfelt'. But, make love something that our kids' - kids will want to experience. Our grandmothers wanted to "Find a man that will love me forever." and so far, all I see around me are kids wanting to fuck. That's not love.

Keep love alive. Be the Yin to someone's Yang.

Most of all. Suck a dick if he eats your pussy.

Crassly yours,
Johnny

For the love of humanity...

As the dawn of civilization grows to a close, I sit atop my mountain and look down to the chaos that was once a noble race of beings, that have bred themselves into stupidity and idiocy. I hurl rocks at a few of them to get a reaction, but they simply look to the sky as if to find a Rock Cloud that rains pebbles. I live on this mountaintop to separate myself from the anarchy that has spilled into the streets, and flows through the worlds veins like a moronic heroine.

Okay, maybe it's not quite that dire yet, but it's getting there.

I say this, because if you notice, the people that are reproducing in our Western Society are also the same people that are against Gay Marriage, and for bombing the hell out of every country other than our own.

Intelligent people have slowly stopped having children, and busy themselves with their careers, their hobbies, and their own personal demons. Yet, the idiots of our country...of the world...are breeding like rabbits, because they don't really know how to do much else. "This goes in that...and 9 months later...a baby pops out."

So, sooner than later, the standard for what "intelligent" is, will soon be a bar that is well lowered, and the C-Level student, will be a genius. Why? When idiots outbreed the intelligent, where will the education at home, the intellectual hobbyist (star gazers, painters, musicians, poets, and writers) and, world travelers...come from? Rednecks have no desire to see the world. You ask them to write a short story, and they'll crack open a can of Coors and say, "Writin' is for faggots."

And, therefore, I propose this; For the love of humanity, let's institute an I.Q. Test for having children. If you have to have a degree to be a secretary anymore, why oh WHY can you just breed yourself a little village worth of children, without regulation or standards?

From the time you have your period, (if there were a male contraceptive, i'd say give it to them, being that they're usually the instigators in the sex), a girl has to take birth control. She finds a man, they decide to have a child, you have to go to the Intellectual Board of Preserving Humanity's Future and fill out a vast array of paperwork. (that'll scare off those people that don't like commitment) Then, you have to pass an I.Q. Test, and if you fail...you get a t-shirt that reads: "NOT SAFE FOR REPRODUCING" and they give you a slap on your tush and send you out the door.

"What-" you may say "do we do with the people that slip through the cracks of the system, and have children that aren't up to the standard?" This answer is simple. I, a firm believer in marriage equality, (if we breeders have to suffer, why shouldn't the gays?), simply say that the intelligent gay community gets the pick of the litter in the adoption circuit. This cuts down on orphans, and gives them a loving, and more importantly, an INTELLIGENT home to grow up in.

We Western Civilizations have long since needed an overhaul to our lifestyle. We treat marriage as dating, and only stay with someone as long as there's not a better option around. We have Single Serving Friends, and we're a childish, spoiled people that refuse to admit we're going downhill fast.

We don't want kids, because it "Changes things." and takes away from our freedoms. We don't want marriage, because that limits us, and makes us have to commit to something.

When 50% of my friends, haven't read a book in more than a year, and they are the ones with kids, it worries me. When my sister, who dropped out of school in the 8th grade, has 2 kids, that worries me. When the other 50% of my friends, are the ones with corporate jobs, and say they don't want to ever have kids, and yet, buy the nicest clothes, travel, and call themselves intelligent, when they act like the world is a big high school hallway, that worries me also.

As a society, we need an overhaul. As individual people, we need to reinstitute values, morals, and family.

Marriage is not dating. Children are our future, and I'm an observant asshole with a keyboard in front of me, and that my friends....is that....

Now, I'm going to go kick me a puppy, and piss on a bum...because if society is going in the toilet...I want to do it right.

One love,
Johnny

The Pop-Over....

The Pop-Over…
Okay, now, life has it's little annoyances here and there. We've all got our main bitches about those annoyances, and I'm no different. So, today I am going to voice mine on the "pop-over".

Glorified by Jerry Seinfeld on his show, the pop-over is when someone arrives to your place unannounced. Whether it be for "just a minute", or for "awhile", the pop-over to me is one of the most annoying things in life.

Something I'm sure has been around for ages, although probably not to the extent it is now due to the communal style living in apartment complexes, the annoyance is something I find non-tolerable.

To me, it's like this:
I'm sitting at home playing a video game in my underwear...(one of those days)...you haven't a care in the world. You're inside your little fortress of solitude and there's nothing that can make you feel more at ease and secure...."Knock! Knock!...*DING DONG*!! Knock! Knock!"....and it's always in that rhythm where they're trying to show you it's a 'friend' and not the UPS man or something. You know? The old Shave and a Haircut rhythm, or something similar. So, now you are pausing your game...either because the disturbance has almost got you killed, or because you really feel like a hermit and don't want to be bothered at all. There you wait, quietly, and annoyed....contemplating checking the peephole, but then the person on the other side will seriously know you're home.
Sooner or later...one of two things will happen...they will ring/knock again, or they will get the hint and leave. Then you have two options...continue your quietness or throw on some pants and ask who it is. I 99% of the time opt for option "A". Normally, after they leave you'll get a call shortly thereafter saying..."Hey man, I stopped by your place and you didn't answer."

"You wanna know why you fucking wank? It's because I was completely comfortable sitting there in my underoos and you didn't call beforehand."

Whatever happened to the common courtesy of the phone call first? "Hey Johnny, I'm in the neighborhood and wanted to see if you were home or if I could stop in for a bit." In this cell phone generation, you really have no excuse of not calling first. And, even then, if I see that you're someone I don't feel like dealing with/talking to, I'll let your ass go to voicemail.

"Why? That's rude!" You may say....

Let me put it to you simply as I can.

When I was a kid, I always wanted to be an adult. Adults were able to do what they wanted, WHEN they wanted. Which meant, if they wanted to go grocery shopping, they went grocery shopping. No need to ask someone else for permission. If your parents said..."Answer the phone." you answered the phone, if they said..."Don't answer that." you didn't answer it.
So, being that I'm an adult in my 30’s, I firmly believe that if I want to answer my damn phone, I will answer it. If I DON'T want to answer it, I won't. Simple as that.
There's nothing worse than someone telling me..."Alright, I'm going to call tomorrow around 3pm. PICK UP!!"........."What?......Did you just tell me what to do?...." Something my own parents haven't even had the right to do in 20 years...you have the audacity to try and do? Give me a break! Now I'm really not answering, just to piss you off. Then, if you waste your time coming to my door to check if I'm home, you're going to be standing outside like the derelict you are....ringing and knocking...getting more upset.

So, unless your ass is on fire, or you're shot in the foot....call first! If you call first, and I don't answer your call...don't stop by....because it probably means I don't feel like being bothered.



I'm too old for this shit.

I need a fucking island to hide on.

I JUST WANT TO PLAY MY FUCKING VIDEO GAME IN PEACE!!!!

Respectfully yours,
Johnny