Let me make this one short, sweet, hilarious, and painful all at once. Rarely do directly personal things happen to me enough that I feel like blogging about them, but this...this my minions...has to be shared.
I give you...
Tebowing in the Tub:
As some of you may know I shave my head quite close. Not Vin Diesel close, but, more Jason Statham close. (granted, i've got TONS more hair than either one, it's just easier to maintain, and i've got a beastly sized head anyhow, so hair just makes it look bigger)....anyhow...on with the story.
After shaving my head, per usual, I hop in the shower. Now, my shower is one of those multi-setting massage heads that has a hose that connects it to the wall, and the shower head sits in a cradle until you want to use it otherwise. Nothing fancy, just a typical shower head.
I turn the water on, and test the water with my hand through the faucet at the bottom in the tub, (as i'm sure you all do also), before I step into the shower. The water was the perfect temperature, and so I step in, and bend down and turn the knob to turn the water from the faucet to the shower head....
What followed was Darwinian at best:
Instantly the hose broke away from the bottom of the shower head and blasted me in the back of my freshly mowed lawn. I immediately stand up with a "What the....", and the beginnings of a slight giggle of laughter. (i am a huge Three Stooges fan after all), but as with all fire hoses, that are unrestrained, it whipped BACK the other direction, and slapped me dead in my bean bag. My eyes nearly explode from my face with the same force as the water spraying the bathroom in it's best impersonation of a Peter North video, and I drop down into what can only be described as a "Tebow" for a couple of seconds, until reality sets in and I begin to chase the hose with my hand that's not cradling my boys in agony. I'm swatting my hand through the air like I'm batting at a fly without looking at it, until I finally meet it midway and catch it, as it laughing hoses me in the top of my head with a powerful final spray, before I ultimately reach forward and turn the brutal cunt off.
I soon regain my composure, dial the pressure back, and finish my shower in what I can only describe as, a Kentucky Shower.
That my friends, is the most action packed shower I have ever taken.
"I'm Johnny Mangano......and this is Jackass!"
- Ouch!
