...Hello ladies and gentlemen, it's been a bit since I've updated this corner of cyberspace with anything of weight. But, today, I shall plant a seed that is sure to grow into quite an oak.
It seems, that no matter where I go (i.e. the country, the city, east coast, left coast) I hear the same people saying the same things, just with different connotations.
"I wish _____ !"
Where we came across this subject, I'd like to know, because it falls right into the same category as 'prayer' to me.
Let me give you some food for thought.
"I wish I would get more auditions." says the out of work actor living in L.A.
"I wish I could win the lottery." says the hillbilly bumpkin buying a scratcher ticket.
"I wish my boobs were perkier." says the mid-30's lady looking in the mirror before a night out with the girls.
All across this land we hear similar things, but it's the minor ones that truly irk me. "I wish I had a beer right now." Mostly because, if by some freak of nature, you were granted one wish...at the most random of times, and you pissed it away on some idiotic "want" instead of a "need". We've become a planet of wants, and those wants have come to be known as wishes.
We are never happy with what we have, and therefore always want something that we don't have. Bigger boobs/wiener, cooler car, more money, nicer clothes, bigger house...
You get the point. We're forever 'wishing' for things that are so minuscule in comparison to things that, if it were granted, we'd truly WANT to wish for. "I wish I was super intelligent." "I wish all this war would go away and everyone could just get along." "I wish cancer would just disappear."
I personally recognize all these thoughts as the same ones that I was told to "pray" for by my grandmother at my bedside when I used to go stay with her. She would tell me to pray for the well being of others, and for my prayers to not be centered around me, or they would not come true.
Come true?...
So, God is some sort of Genie that grants wishes?
But, why put all these things in someone elses plate? Why not take these burdens upon yourself? "God, please give Josh a better day tomorrow. He's been having a hard time at work, and needs something to go his way." How about, instead of "Wishing" or "Praying"...whatever the fuck you want to call it...you say to yourself "I'm going to take it upon myself to make sure Josh has a better day tomorrow. I'll find something to cheer him up, and turn his mood around." This takes the middleman out of the equation, and therefore makes you feel more in control.
Because, let's face it, when was the last time you prayed/wished for something and it came true without some effort on your part? People have been praying for thousands of years for cancer and sickness to go away...guess what motherfuckers?...it's still here...and more rampant than ever. Some things are just out of our reach as humans.
But, that doesn't stop us from wishing for idiotic shit. We just can't grasp the "appreciation" of things anymore.
We no longer want what's good for others, just what's good for ourselves. And, to an extent of WISHING for these things. We, as intelligent beings, the top of the motherfucking food chain...WISH for things...as if we're going to be rubbing a beer bottle and a drunken genie is going to pop right the fuck out of the top and say "You *hiccup* rang asshole?"
No, that doesn't happen, because if it did, my life would be much different than it is right now. For that, YOUR life would be different right now, because I guarantee anything that I'd wish for would directly impact the world, and not just myself.
As shallow a people as we are now, I cannot see many others wishing for your benefit. Most, if you give them forewarning, would wish for something that would make them cooler, more prestigious or something to benefit them and their well being. To make them feel 'better' than you.
Imagine, you're the one man or woman on the planet that you're granted one wish and all of society finds out that your wish was for tickets to the World Series. You would be the laughing stock of the planet. Oh, you'd be famous alright, but you'd be famous for being a fucking idiot.
In my eyes, wishing and praying is taking the 'doing' out of my own hands and taking the power away from me and putting it into nothingness.
You want love? Don't wish for it, find a way to make it work. Maybe it's something to do with your personality. Are you scaring love away? Well, God isn't going to help you not be an asshole. Change it yourself.
You want more money? Wishing that Ali Baba and his 40 Thieves come banging on your door isn't going to help you, working harder and being more dedicated to your cause will make it happen.
Which, in turn, would change the "I wish I had another beer." into a more solid reality as well.
Stop wishing people. Start doing. You'll be more confident. You'll feel empowered, and you'll come out a better person.
For now, I will bid you ado, and retreat back into this insanity we call society. May my words, be your sanctuary from it all, and....
I wish common sense, was more common...
- Knuckles.
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
Thursday, March 4, 2010
Puff Puff, Sip Sip...
I shall begin this journey of excellence with a remembrance of the good old days. When men were men, and smoked cigars, wore a suit every day, and drank whiskey with only an ice cube or two in it to bring out the woody notes.
This was a simpler time. A time where businesses would allow people to smoke inside, and airplanes didn't make fat people buy an extra seat in fear of making the person next to them feel uncomfortable.
Now, the people that smoke, bitch about their rights being taken away, but they don't stand up for themselves. The candy assed few that do bitch to the government hold all the cards, because they're being assertive. The same group of people that try and ban Harry Potter from schools, make said fat people buy that extra seat, prohibit so much that everyone feels infringed upon, but still just complain and do nothing to take back their rights.
Time and time again I see on Facebook, "I was jogging today, and ran past a smoker and was disgusted." "I came out of the restaurant and there were a group of smokers out there, how pathetic. I complained to the management." But, half the time these sentences are spelled wrong, or written by morons, or a person of size (politically correct for calling someone fat) So, you want to take THEIR right to smoke anywhere away from them, but if you're fat, and someone were to force you to buy an extra seat on a plane, you'd take that as a slap to the face! Which, you taking the cigarette from their mouth, is no different that the flight crew taking the Krispy Kreme Doughnut from your mouth and the airline calling you a fatty.
I mean, for fuck's sake, if I wanted to, I could say that anyone that was ugly should be forced to stay indoors until the sun goes down. Or idiots that can't spell shouldn't be allowed to use the internet. How about...fucktards that are completely stupid have to have a tattoo on their forehead that says "IDIOT" so that you know EXACTLY what you're getting into when you approach a conversation with them? Is that going to far? Am I stepping on your toes?
Times were simpler when you had to fly and said "I had to sit next to a fat guy the whole flight." But, guess what, your life went on, and you were none the lesser of a person. It didn't fuck up your "End Game" of life, and those tiny wisps of smoke do nothing more than pass in the wind.
If it's SOOOO harmful, explain why our grandparents and great grandparents were built so rugged, and lived into their 90's, and we'll be dying off in our 70's? Because we're not strong anymore, that's why.
Cigars, Scotch, Whiskey, Cursing, Martinis, Love, Fucking, and LIVING are the staples of my life.
People that scream "Smoke is harmful, and I will not stand for my children breathing it in!"
Well, guess what pussy? Fires have smoke too. You going to sue the forest for each time we have a fire in L.A. and your kid is breathing in that smoke? How about when you take your little candy-ass-in-the-making camping? Huh? You going to sue the campfire when he breathes that in? How about the house that's on fire down the street?......you get the point.
It's ALL OF OUR PLANET!! The stinky fucker at Ralph's that smells like armpit isn't pleasant to stand behind, but I'm not going to have him kicked out of the store. If you're too skinny to carry me out of the plane if it were to crash, I'm not going to tell the pilot..."I'm not too comfortable with Olive Oil over there being next to the emergency exit."
Our grandparents went through a great depression, 2 huge wars, and still drank and smoked to their hearts content. Their quality of life was BETTER, because they loved their cigarette/cigar. They loved their booze. They wore suits while standing in a soup line to get something to eat, and smoked a cigarette while waiting.
We bitch, complain, and whine and moan...that's it...nothing more.
Fucking hell...they even had "No Cussing Week" in L.A.!!! GET FUCKED!!!! Freedom of Speech? Heard of it? [WEBSITE]: http://www.nocussing.com/
So, be a man, be a strong man. Drink your scotch. Smoke your cigar. STAND UP AGAINST THOSE THAT SAY YOU CAN'T!!!
After all of that....I need a fucking drink.
One love,
Johnny
This was a simpler time. A time where businesses would allow people to smoke inside, and airplanes didn't make fat people buy an extra seat in fear of making the person next to them feel uncomfortable.
Now, the people that smoke, bitch about their rights being taken away, but they don't stand up for themselves. The candy assed few that do bitch to the government hold all the cards, because they're being assertive. The same group of people that try and ban Harry Potter from schools, make said fat people buy that extra seat, prohibit so much that everyone feels infringed upon, but still just complain and do nothing to take back their rights.
Time and time again I see on Facebook, "I was jogging today, and ran past a smoker and was disgusted." "I came out of the restaurant and there were a group of smokers out there, how pathetic. I complained to the management." But, half the time these sentences are spelled wrong, or written by morons, or a person of size (politically correct for calling someone fat) So, you want to take THEIR right to smoke anywhere away from them, but if you're fat, and someone were to force you to buy an extra seat on a plane, you'd take that as a slap to the face! Which, you taking the cigarette from their mouth, is no different that the flight crew taking the Krispy Kreme Doughnut from your mouth and the airline calling you a fatty.
I mean, for fuck's sake, if I wanted to, I could say that anyone that was ugly should be forced to stay indoors until the sun goes down. Or idiots that can't spell shouldn't be allowed to use the internet. How about...fucktards that are completely stupid have to have a tattoo on their forehead that says "IDIOT" so that you know EXACTLY what you're getting into when you approach a conversation with them? Is that going to far? Am I stepping on your toes?
Times were simpler when you had to fly and said "I had to sit next to a fat guy the whole flight." But, guess what, your life went on, and you were none the lesser of a person. It didn't fuck up your "End Game" of life, and those tiny wisps of smoke do nothing more than pass in the wind.
If it's SOOOO harmful, explain why our grandparents and great grandparents were built so rugged, and lived into their 90's, and we'll be dying off in our 70's? Because we're not strong anymore, that's why.
Cigars, Scotch, Whiskey, Cursing, Martinis, Love, Fucking, and LIVING are the staples of my life.
People that scream "Smoke is harmful, and I will not stand for my children breathing it in!"
Well, guess what pussy? Fires have smoke too. You going to sue the forest for each time we have a fire in L.A. and your kid is breathing in that smoke? How about when you take your little candy-ass-in-the-making camping? Huh? You going to sue the campfire when he breathes that in? How about the house that's on fire down the street?......you get the point.
It's ALL OF OUR PLANET!! The stinky fucker at Ralph's that smells like armpit isn't pleasant to stand behind, but I'm not going to have him kicked out of the store. If you're too skinny to carry me out of the plane if it were to crash, I'm not going to tell the pilot..."I'm not too comfortable with Olive Oil over there being next to the emergency exit."
Our grandparents went through a great depression, 2 huge wars, and still drank and smoked to their hearts content. Their quality of life was BETTER, because they loved their cigarette/cigar. They loved their booze. They wore suits while standing in a soup line to get something to eat, and smoked a cigarette while waiting.
We bitch, complain, and whine and moan...that's it...nothing more.
Fucking hell...they even had "No Cussing Week" in L.A.!!! GET FUCKED!!!! Freedom of Speech? Heard of it? [WEBSITE]: http://www.nocussing.com/
So, be a man, be a strong man. Drink your scotch. Smoke your cigar. STAND UP AGAINST THOSE THAT SAY YOU CAN'T!!!
After all of that....I need a fucking drink.
One love,
Johnny
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
A Lesson in History: How the Cell Phone killed Love...
Now, I'm not talking about how radio waves are emitted and fried the love portion of your brain. I'm here to discuss the downward trickle of what has become the demise of something that was once so precious to each of us that we would search the world to find it: Love.
I'll get right to it, before I give my normal examples. You see, the cell phone itself has not put the kibosh on love, but the portable-ness of a direct link to hundreds of others have. (if not thousands now)
There's a saying that I've heard for years that seems to have just reared it's ugly head, "A relationship is only as good as your options." Which, ties right in to where I'm about to go.
The invention of the cell phone was a miraculous thing. You could be ANYWHERE and if you had to bring home milk to your wife, you were just a call away. In a car accident and need an ambulance? 911 at your fingertips. Need to pick the kids up from school, but you're running late? Call the husband and ask if he can do it.
But then...it happened...men and women alike realized that with this DIRECT line to themselves that they no longer had to worry about a mistress or a boytoy calling the home and having the spouse answer the line. No. Now there was a direct communication to you that only you answered. Then, the addition of the 'mute' or 'silent' buttons added to it when the significant other would ask "Who's calling you?" or the "Are you going to get that?" Now there was a way to completely go incognito with your lies.
Here's where I tell you that we're all noncommittal, and we're all hidden cheaters to an extent. But, that's just not true. Some of the world got out all of their wildness back in college or during their single years to make themselves more marry-able when the time came. Here, we have an example of people that probably didn't let loose, and are now 'bored' with their lives and wish to spice it up. Something NEW, something WILD, something FRESH!! When in all actuality, it's, something DIFFERENT...that's all. So, now you can have that girl you met at the coffee house call you, Bonnie from the office that is also in a rut in her marriage, and a whole slew of other women, and your wife will be none the wiser.
Keep in mind, at this point, this is just a select few people.
Then, came texting. The next step of 'automatic acknowledgment' without having to speak a word out loud. Complete conversations between two people that was silent, short for the ticking sound of the buttons on the phone. "Oh, it's Ted from the office honey. He's just asking if we're playing golf this weekend. Let me write him back really fast." - - - "UR SO HOT BONNIE, I CAN'T W8 2 C U SATURDAY!" - - "Okay love muffin, what were you saying?"
This increased the level of secret callers by double. And, if you go back and reference what I said about "options"... If you have your wife sitting in front of you, and you have 20 women texting and calling you that are...not so much 'hotter'...than your wife, but they may have something she's lacking...wife has big boobs, Bonnie has small boobs...wife is calm in bed...Bonnie sends dirty texts. So, not "better", just "different".
Finally, came Myspace, Facebook, and Twitter. The conversation killers. The serial murderers that kill and maim anything and all things in their wake.
And, they're right there at your fingertips.
A husband has no problems that his wife's ex-flame Bobby from highschool looked her up on Facebook. "It's good to see how far we've all come."
Until Bobby starts sending your wife messages saying "Damn! You're still as sexy and hot as you were back in high school." The same goes for her coworkers, her college friends, and little Timmy that played with her in the sandbox at 3 years old.
Now, you catch your wife trying to take the 'prettiest' picture she can to be her Facebook profile picture. When asked why, "I'm not allowed to look pretty in my pictures?"
It is at this point that 100's of gentleman/lady callers have become thousands. Old flames, friends of friends, and an unlimited amount of people ogling your pictures.
Which, brings me to my conclusions.
If you fell in love with your significant other for more than 80% of your qualifications for "A long lasting love.", that 20% now feels like 200% with all these other men/women in your ear. Their flaws are heightened by the strengths of others. The problem is, everyone...and I mean EVERYONE has flaws. People that are allowed to type and edit their compliments will make you feel like a king or queen, until they get what they want. So, when you're at dinner with your partner, and you get 20 direct messages from Facebook, 10 Wall Posts, 5 comments on Myspace, 2 text messages from guys from work, and 1 call that you have to send to voicemail....how much of your attention is spent on your husband, and how great that 80% is?
It's not that I'm cynical. I'm not, but I calls'em as I sees'em. Our great grandparents had maybe 3 good friends each. The wife would gossip at the hair salon, the husband met the 'guys' down at the bar. The amount of people you remained in contact with was small enough to not allow doubt in your partner. Occasionally you'd hear that a friend from highschool got married or had a baby through the grapevine. But, all in all, a dinner with your husband was just that...a dinner with your husband.
In a world that love and relationships have become "Only as good as your options.", and being cool on a social networking site takes precedent over a long lasting relationship, just because now you "have so many options"...isn't it time to reevaluate our direction?
It's true. If you have 2,000 people in your ear, no 1 person will look like a Knight in Shining Armour. But, I don't have the attention for 2,000 people. That would spread me too thin. I like being a man of substance.
I don't go to a bar and think for 20 minutes about which mixed drink I want, because there's "so many options". "Scotch, rocks, 3 fingers."
Give me the simple life. Give me a world of love, respect, kindness and crassness.
Give me a shot of Jack, because after this...
I fucking need it.
Cheers folks, I need to post this on my Facebook so you can all read it and admire my intellect.
HA!
-Johnny
I'll get right to it, before I give my normal examples. You see, the cell phone itself has not put the kibosh on love, but the portable-ness of a direct link to hundreds of others have. (if not thousands now)
There's a saying that I've heard for years that seems to have just reared it's ugly head, "A relationship is only as good as your options." Which, ties right in to where I'm about to go.
The invention of the cell phone was a miraculous thing. You could be ANYWHERE and if you had to bring home milk to your wife, you were just a call away. In a car accident and need an ambulance? 911 at your fingertips. Need to pick the kids up from school, but you're running late? Call the husband and ask if he can do it.
But then...it happened...men and women alike realized that with this DIRECT line to themselves that they no longer had to worry about a mistress or a boytoy calling the home and having the spouse answer the line. No. Now there was a direct communication to you that only you answered. Then, the addition of the 'mute' or 'silent' buttons added to it when the significant other would ask "Who's calling you?" or the "Are you going to get that?" Now there was a way to completely go incognito with your lies.
Here's where I tell you that we're all noncommittal, and we're all hidden cheaters to an extent. But, that's just not true. Some of the world got out all of their wildness back in college or during their single years to make themselves more marry-able when the time came. Here, we have an example of people that probably didn't let loose, and are now 'bored' with their lives and wish to spice it up. Something NEW, something WILD, something FRESH!! When in all actuality, it's, something DIFFERENT...that's all. So, now you can have that girl you met at the coffee house call you, Bonnie from the office that is also in a rut in her marriage, and a whole slew of other women, and your wife will be none the wiser.
Keep in mind, at this point, this is just a select few people.
Then, came texting. The next step of 'automatic acknowledgment' without having to speak a word out loud. Complete conversations between two people that was silent, short for the ticking sound of the buttons on the phone. "Oh, it's Ted from the office honey. He's just asking if we're playing golf this weekend. Let me write him back really fast." - - - "UR SO HOT BONNIE, I CAN'T W8 2 C U SATURDAY!" - - "Okay love muffin, what were you saying?"
This increased the level of secret callers by double. And, if you go back and reference what I said about "options"... If you have your wife sitting in front of you, and you have 20 women texting and calling you that are...not so much 'hotter'...than your wife, but they may have something she's lacking...wife has big boobs, Bonnie has small boobs...wife is calm in bed...Bonnie sends dirty texts. So, not "better", just "different".
Finally, came Myspace, Facebook, and Twitter. The conversation killers. The serial murderers that kill and maim anything and all things in their wake.
And, they're right there at your fingertips.
A husband has no problems that his wife's ex-flame Bobby from highschool looked her up on Facebook. "It's good to see how far we've all come."
Until Bobby starts sending your wife messages saying "Damn! You're still as sexy and hot as you were back in high school." The same goes for her coworkers, her college friends, and little Timmy that played with her in the sandbox at 3 years old.
Now, you catch your wife trying to take the 'prettiest' picture she can to be her Facebook profile picture. When asked why, "I'm not allowed to look pretty in my pictures?"
It is at this point that 100's of gentleman/lady callers have become thousands. Old flames, friends of friends, and an unlimited amount of people ogling your pictures.
Which, brings me to my conclusions.
If you fell in love with your significant other for more than 80% of your qualifications for "A long lasting love.", that 20% now feels like 200% with all these other men/women in your ear. Their flaws are heightened by the strengths of others. The problem is, everyone...and I mean EVERYONE has flaws. People that are allowed to type and edit their compliments will make you feel like a king or queen, until they get what they want. So, when you're at dinner with your partner, and you get 20 direct messages from Facebook, 10 Wall Posts, 5 comments on Myspace, 2 text messages from guys from work, and 1 call that you have to send to voicemail....how much of your attention is spent on your husband, and how great that 80% is?
It's not that I'm cynical. I'm not, but I calls'em as I sees'em. Our great grandparents had maybe 3 good friends each. The wife would gossip at the hair salon, the husband met the 'guys' down at the bar. The amount of people you remained in contact with was small enough to not allow doubt in your partner. Occasionally you'd hear that a friend from highschool got married or had a baby through the grapevine. But, all in all, a dinner with your husband was just that...a dinner with your husband.
In a world that love and relationships have become "Only as good as your options.", and being cool on a social networking site takes precedent over a long lasting relationship, just because now you "have so many options"...isn't it time to reevaluate our direction?
It's true. If you have 2,000 people in your ear, no 1 person will look like a Knight in Shining Armour. But, I don't have the attention for 2,000 people. That would spread me too thin. I like being a man of substance.
I don't go to a bar and think for 20 minutes about which mixed drink I want, because there's "so many options". "Scotch, rocks, 3 fingers."
Give me the simple life. Give me a world of love, respect, kindness and crassness.
Give me a shot of Jack, because after this...
I fucking need it.
Cheers folks, I need to post this on my Facebook so you can all read it and admire my intellect.
HA!
-Johnny
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