Living here in Los Angeles, I see it more than I used to back in the Midwest, or even back in New York. It's not really a trend as much as it is, a culture, or a way of being to the women (and even some men). It's the saddest thing you'll ever lay your eyes on really...ready for the reveal?...The Fake Female.
For years it has boggled my mind, and so I started asking questions (the only way to get answers really), and came up with a diverse array of reasoning behind this trend. Let me give you some examples of the types of females I'm talking about.
There's Female Group - Fake Boobs. They are the ones that are roughly in their early to mid twenties and they have cantaloupes sewn under their skin. "I didn't have any boobs before, they're so my shirts fit better." I will now steal a line from Daniel Tosh - "You say you did it because you wanted your shirts to fit better, but you did it because you're a whore! And you forgot because you're stupid."
Now, I'm not saying that all women with fake boobs are whores, but I am saying that they have self esteem problems. A man may say he has a preference to big/small/medium boobs, but in the end, we just want the slippery clam between your legs, so we'll take whatever you have up top. Rough...I know...but true.
Female Group - Clothes/Shoes Whores. These are a special bunch. Pretentious at heart, and try to cover it by being cute, and classy. This is where I step in...now listen closely women...(lean in if you have to) MEN DON'T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT SHOES!!! There, now walk around with that rattling in your head for a bit. Why? Because, then you'll know that shoes and clothes are just a pissing contest between women. Never, NEVER, have I ever been shooting the shit with a guy and him tell me: "So, I was at the bar last night, and this chick walked up to me and she was wearing the nicest Christian Louboutin shoes!! I had to fuck her after that!" Same goes with clothes. As long as you're dressed well, and not over the top, because then you look like a bitch that puts too much time into yourself, which means you'll A: Never throw the football with us. B: Never go hiking/biking/rock climbing with us C: You'll spend 2 hours getting ready to go to IKEA to get an ice tray.
Same goes for you fellas. If I see one more fucking AFFLICTION shirt, or men that are bedazzled from head to foot in fucking Ed "I'm a tool" Hardy....I may very well start swinging an axe around this town. "Look at the pretty colors of red." Johnny calmly said as he cleaved another trucker hat in twain.
Finally, before I wrap this up, I want to touch on what I previously knew it as..."Guido"...but now, it's its own being between men and women altogether.
The Female/Male Ethnic Self Hater. I was lucky enough to be born with black hair, olive skin, and blue eyes. And, for years, people...mostly women...would ask, "Why do you wear contacts?" "I don't you twat. I'm proud of who I am."
I'm tired of seeing Black or Indian women with grey contacts, Latin women with green or blue contacts and White women with all the colors of the rainbow.
Yeah, sometimes it's fun to be someone different. Sometimes it's fun to dress up as someone that you don't see in the mirror every morning. It's fucking called HALLOWEEN!!!
We're born how we're born. We are who we are. Latin women see white women and think "If I could just look a little more like her, the men would like me." White women look at Latin women and think the same...and the criss cross continues throughout. When, ultimately, men don't give a damn about your eyes. We, (believe it or not..especially at my age), want conversation. We want confidence and self esteem. But, not to the point of arrogance. Leave that for the celebrities. That, for some damn reason, everyone is striving to be nowadays.
It pains me to see a world, that is divided, and yet doesn't grasp those divisions as being individuality. Come together with your thoughts, and your ideas...not by our look. What would happen if we all started looking just like the person standing next to us? We'd be like penguins. Yeah, they're monogamous, but my theory is they are so...because they all look the same, and so what's the difference?
Be proud of what you were given at birth. Someone will love you just as you are, and let's face it...fake boobs, coloured contacts, liposuction, dyed hair, and over the top clothing is just falsifying what's underneath it all. Show me the real you. Bare your soul, and expose your inner self, and I may fall in love with that...walk up to me with the aforementioned mess, and I'll spin on my heel and run as far from your ass as possible.
Because, really, what fun would a puzzle be, if all the pieces were square?
That's all for today, I'm off to see some strippers slide up and down on a pole, because they're SEXY!!!!
One life,
Johnny
P.S. Just so you all know, getting all dressed up, and looking nice started off as a way of 'courting' a man, and trying to find a husband. Basically, the bird doing a mating dance. Now, women have forgotten why they dress up. I know women that spend hours getting ready to go out to clubs, and bars, and have no intention of finding a man to marry/fuck/date. It's sad really. All that effort, for nothing.
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